Tormented
by trebleclef123
Summary: Starts off with Tegan and Sara in their Teen years. TRIGGER WARNING.
1. Chapter 1

Tegan sat alone in her dark walled bedroom, poking multiple tiny holes in her pop can with a sewing needle. When she completed making the bowl she sprinkled some of the weed onto it and held a flame and watched the green flick orange and sucked until it turned to ash. She let the smoke linger in her throat and envelope her lungs before blowing out and bringing the lighter up to the can to burn more. As Tegan inhaled her second hit she heard the front door open. She didn't worry, she knew it was Sara and knew that she'd probably be knocking on her door to come join her in her smoke fest. When Sara knocked on the door and entered Tegan still kept the smoke in her mouth and waited until Sara sat down on the bed next to her to blow out, away from her face.

Sara half smiled at Tegan and she handed over the can to Sara. Sara gleefully accepted it and let Tegan light up for her. They smoked 4 bowls before they decided their lungs couldn't take anymore and laid on the bed, staring at the posters Tegan had on her ceiling.

"What'd you do at Jane's?" Tegan asked, eyes magnetized to the smashing pumpkins poster above her

Sara just looked over at Tegan and smiled

"You fucked her, didn't you?" Tegan assumed

"Tee, it's so amazing. You gotta try it," Sara assured her

"I'm not gay Sara,"

"Stop denying it." Sara said firmly

Tegan was in denial. She didn't want to be gay, but she knew that only girls gave her feelings and that she was definitely not into boys. When Sara told Tegan that she was gay Tegan internally flipped out and questioned her own sexuality.

"Stop telling me what to do," Tegan replied hastily. She got up from the bed and started grabbing things she needed for a shower, pissed off at Sara.

Sara got up from her comfy spot and grabbed Tegan's shoulder and spun her around and firmly kissed her on the lips. Tegan immediately flinched back

"What the fuck Sara?!" Tegan rasped, and backed up until her back hit her door.

Sara lazily chuckled before throwing herself up against Tegan and sloppily licking Tegan's lips and shoving her hand through her jeans

Tegan tried pushing Sara off but she pinned Tegan against the door, and continued to swirl her tongue against her unwilling one. Tegan looped her hand around and turned the knob, opening the door. Sara stumbled and Tegan caught her before she had the chance to fall.

"Fuck, Tee, why'd you do that?"

"What the fuck is your problem Sara!?" Tegan screamed. She was still high and her body was shaking. She felt as if her knees were going to give any second

"Calm down, don't be so prude," Sara replied, finding this situation funny.

"I can't- I can't even believe you right now," Tegan said, shaking her head. She stormed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her before Sara had the chance to see the tears welling up in her eyes.

Tegan wiped them away and turned on the bathtub and stripped off her clothing before stepping in the steaming water. Her mind was flooding with thoughts as she reached over to the razor beside her and slid out the thin blade easily, thanks to the cheap brand. Tegan was one to bottle up her feelings and take it out on herself, specifically her arm, but it wasn't always this way. Up until a month ago Tegan told Sara absolutely everything. This all changed when Sara told her that she was gay. She wasn't upset at Sara, and she accepted her sister but when she began questioning her own sexuality and realized that she was gay too, she didn't want to except it and put up walls and shut everyone off and out of her head completely. Sara still tells her every detail of her life, and doesn't know either of Tegan's secrets.

After slipping on a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, Tegan stepped out of the bathroom and tip toed down the hallway and was just about to open the door when

"Tegan!" Her mother called, from the kitchen

Tegan walked back through the hallway and entered the kitchen, where her mom was making some type of food

"You hungry? I'm making past- Tegan? Were you just crying? What's wrong?" Her mother saw Tegans red eyes when she turned around

"What? No, I got shampoo in my eyes when I showered,"

"Oh, I see. Do you want some pasta?" Tegan was always a good liar,

"No, I'm not hungry" She should be having the munchies…

"Alright, have you seen Sara? I bet she'll be hungry"

Tegan shrugged her shoulders and Sara appeared out of the hallway

"Yeah, I'm starving. What'd you make?" Upon Sara's arrival Tegan glared at Sara before quietly exiting and walked back to her own bedroom, taking off her pants and slipped in between the covers of her bed to go to sleep.

TEAGN POV

As I sit here in my bed, I can't help but replay the scene with Sara that happened less than an hour ago. I can't shake off the tingles I still feel and I can't stand the fact that I like them. I want them to go away but I don't at the same time. I squeeze my wrist and break the fresh wounds in hopes that it would distract me from my "Bad Thoughts"

"Shit..." I mutter, realizing that my wrist is bleeding pretty badly. I was just about to get up to find something in my room to wipe up the blood but there was a knock at my door. I quickly scrambled back in my bed and pretended like I was sleeping when Sara walked in.

"Tegan?" She whispered at the end of the bed.

"Tegan, I know you're awake, answer me."

"Go away," I replied

"Tee…" She weakly says before climbing onto the bed with me.

"What did I just tell you?" I said harshly, startling her.

"I just want to talk to you,"

"I don't want to talk to you just leave me alone!" I snapped, sitting up. I quickly looked down to make sure my blood wasn't seeping through the cuff of my hoodie, but it was so I positioned my hand to hide it from her unnoticeably.

"Why are you acting like this!?" She snapped back in a whisper, to make sure our mother couldn't hear us arguing.

"Acting like what? How would you feel if your _sister_ came onto to you off guard? You can't- I can't even think straight right now I don't know what to say to you,"

"You don't have to think straight. You're fighting who you are and it's fucking you up. You can't change who you are attracted to."

My mind was swimming. Thoughts were filling my brain and I feel as if they're going to drown out of my ears and pour all over so to stop them I collided my lips with Sara's. It wasn't sweet or sentimental, I pushed on her lips with so much force that it caused her to fall back onto the bed so I was on top of her. I felt her grip my shoulders before turning me onto my back and straddled me, taking control and softening the kiss. I've made out with a few boys before, but this was completely different. It wasn't sloppy and she wasn't using so much tongue that I was ready to gag and choke on the saliva. It was skilled, and we moved out tongues in sync. I heard Sara let out a soft moan before trailing her fingers underneath the hem of my hoodie. My heart beat was pumping faster when she kept trailing her hand up and stopping to cup my bare breast. I was worried about my cuts and thinking about how wrong this is all while wanting this to go further. A quiet moan escaped my lips, when I did so I felt her smile against my mouth and she used this as a sign to slip her hand between my underwear. I accidentally let out another moan, but this one was husky and louder than the other one.

"Shhhhh!" She hissed, she then kissed down my neck and unzipped my hoodie. I wasn't wearing a shirt or bra underneath it. Sara wasn't playing around; she really knew what she was doing. I couldn't help but think how many times she did this with another girl to get so good at doing these things. When she slipped one of her long thin fingers inside of me I had to bite my lips to keep from moaning but this was my first time at any of this, and this feeling was just so foreign to me that I couldn't contain my excitement and let out whimpers every now and then. She proceeded to slid in and out and when she began circling my clit with her thumb my hips bucked with her hand. I let out another loud moan and I heard her moan out another "shhhh" before coming back up and kissing me to keep me from being any louder. I held onto her hips when the feeling in my core began surging with more heat. I accidently dug my nails into her hips when I experienced an orgasm with a contained moan. Sara moaned right after me and I dipped my head away from her lips and rested my head in the crook of her neck and shoulder to breath as we rocked our bodies together, fingers still pumping despite the fact that I already climaxed. I heard her let out a frustrated moan into my ear. I felt bad not giving her anything, but I didn't know what to do to help her out properly. I hesitantly dipped my hand in her jeans and just squeezed and circled her clit while looking up at the ceiling. I felt her knees shake and her hand stopped pumping in me and the rocking stopped all together. I felt a surge of confidence so I slipped my finger between her folds and sucked on her neck, surely giving her a hickey. Her neck was buried in mine as well and it wasn't long before she signaled that she was having an orgasm by biting down on my shoulder and groaning into the pillow. She collapsed onto me and kept her face buried into the pillow. I looked up at the ceiling as we both panted, chests moving frantically up and down against each other. I heard Sara start to wheeze and I silently panicked for a second and asked her if she needed her puffer. She declined before peeling herself off of me. I sat up, zipping up my hoodie and awkwardly fiddled with the blanket and waited until she said something.

"You're gay." She stated. She said it as a fact, not a question.

I nodded my head biting my lip nervously while looking up at her. She smirked at me before walking out the door and shutting it behind her. I sat there frozen until I heard her door at the other end of the hall close.


	2. Chapter 2

TEGAN POV

My heart began pumping erratically and I started hyperventilating. What just happened? What did I just do? I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I panicked and jumped up from the bed and dove my hand underneath my mattress where I keep my good razors and went over and sat against the front of my door and began angrily slashing my other wrist. My eyes were blurry with tears as I watched the blood seep down my hand and landing onto my thigh. I stood up to get the towel on my floor and blotted the blood that was beginning to die down.

I got back into my bed and tried to think of something other than the events of tonight while trying to fall asleep. I thought of how I was going to spend my day tomorrow once our mother drops us off at out dads house. We were on winter break, so our dad would be at work since it was a Thursday, and I would be forced to be stuck in a house the whole day.

These past 4 days have flown by. It was now Monday afternoon as I sat on the couch at my mum's house watching some cheesy cartoon. I wasn't even paying attention to the cat and the mouse running around on the screen, my mind was too busy thinking about the past few days. I was acting really shady towards to Sara and she was pissed off at me for it and the fact that I'm acting as if we never had sex. I got mad at her the day after our "incident" and ended up blowing up at her and she still held the grudge. I was scared of everything that changed since that night. I'm starting to feel more feelings towards Sara, and that terrifies me. I'm falling in love with my sister, and I hate myself for it. Or am I falling in lust with her? Either way, I hate myself. Absolutely hate myself.

I heard the doorbell ring and I got up from the couch to go answer it but Sara ran out of the hallway and ran passed me, bumping me in the process and answered the door before I had the chance.

"It's not for you," she glared at me before answering the door.

I shook it off and sat back down on the couch while spying on her.

The person at the door was Jane, Sara's girlfriend. I saw Sara hand her money and then Jane pulled out a paper bag and handed to Sara, who then shoved it into her back pocket before wrapping her arms around Jane's neck. I looked away before I had the chance to see them sucking each other's faces. They were for at least 5 minutes and I looked over at Sara when I heard the door close. She gave me a dirty look then disappeared into the hallway, and then I heard her door slam shut.

My eyes were watery and I felt sick to my stomach with jealousy. I mentally slapped myself for getting jealous as I walked into my bedroom and shut the door behind me. My heart began to sink and my wrist began to itch. I hesitantly fished underneath the mattress for my razor and pulled it out before going to my usual spot against the door. I sat with my wrist sticking out as studied my scars while think of how much of a fuck up I am just to fuel my fire to trigger more of my pain. I looked back over to my "Paintbrush" and slowly but roughly glided it underneath the scab from days before, watching as my special paint bubbled up and poured out much quicker than ever before. I slashed another cut much quicker than and not as careful as the one before. Underneath that I one I put more pressureon my wrist and felt the sting as I cut slowly, but halfway across I glided it quick and it instantly spewed blood. I lolled my head to the side and my mind went off into space while my eyes fixated onto the carpet. I felt myself getting woozy-which was odd for me so I turned my attention back to my wrist. I was surprised at the immense amount of blood and began to worry. I cursed when I saw some splatter onto the white carpet; I could care less that it was on my jeans. I threw my arm out and reached for the towel that was conveniently only a few feet away from me and blotted my wrist in hopes that the bleeding would stop. But it seemed to be getting worse and I panicked. I accidently let out a loud sob and I froze and held my breath and prayed that Sara didn't hear it. My eyes averted to the carpet's stain and that only added to the panicking. How was I supposed to clean that up? Another sob boomed out of me, then I heard knocking on my door.

"Tegan? Are you okay?"

I didn't respond, I just kept my hand over my mouth to choke back my crying.

"Tegan!" She said frustratingly. She tried opening the door but I was blocking it

"Ughh! What are you doing Tegan let me in!"

"Go away Sara!" I screeched trying to push the door back but she was too strong for me and ended up successfully getting through the door.

She took one look at me and her eyes got wide and she fell to the floor with me and held onto my wrist

"Oh my god! What the fuck did you do to yourself Tegan!?" She screamed at me.

SARA POV

I don't even know what's going on right now, I don't understand. Tegans bawling her eyes out and her wrist is splurging out blood. It's everywhere, even on me now. The whole room smells like blood and it's making me sick to my stomach, but I ignored the urge to throw up to help Tegan instead. What do I do now? Uh….Calm her down and get her to the bathroom

"Tegan come on. It's going to be okay, you're going to be okay," I grabbed her arm and pulled her up while trying to stop my tears from flowing.

I struggled to get her to her feet and walk her to the bathroom, she wasn't really helping and it seemed that she couldn't hold herself up so the trip to the bathroom wasn't easy, even though it was just across the hall.

I plopped her down on the toilet seat and sat her up.

"Im so Sorry Sara, I'm so sorry I don't know-I'm sorry-"

"Tegan its okay you'll be okay, just calm down." I let her hold herself up while I rummaged through the medicine cabinet to found some type of bandages and I found a wrap thing and settled on that and also grabbed some gauze.

I went back over to her and grabbed her wrists, finally getting the chance to examine them. I couldn't concentrate with the sounds of Tegans crying.

"Tee, calm down, you're okay…." I soothed, which seemed to work because her cries got more quiet

I averted back to her wrist and examined the wound and held the gauze to it while looking at the multiple lines above it. Some were scabs, and some were neat lines of scars from the past. My eyes got watery with tears when I realized she's been doing this for a while now. I grabbed her other arm and yanked up her sleeve and saw more scars and fresh scabs. I tried so hard to hold the tears in but when I looked up and my eyes met with hers, they poured out. She looked really pale, and that worried me. I looked down at her shirt which was splotched with blood and then at mine which had an equal amount, I realized I had some fresh blood on my hands and the smell just whipped me in the face, giving my head a rush. My stomach churned and made an audible noise.

TEGAN POV

I watched as Sara looked me over and examined her shirt. She then stared at her hands with a terrified look on her face, like she was looking at a ghost. I heard her stomach gurgle just before her eyes rolled back into her head, which then collided with the ground with a thud.

Oh my God, "Sara?"

She passed out

Wait, what?

She passed out! What the hell do I do!?

After I recollected my thoughts I put gauze over my wrist and wrapped the bandaged around it, securing it tightly with medical tape. I went over to Sara and shook her shoulders gently but firmly. I smell weed on her. Is she high?

"Sara…"

She fluttered her eyes open and groaned, lolling her head to the side.

"Sara!" I called again but she didn't move. I scooped my arm underneath her legs and swooped her up and regained my balance while walking to my bedroom. Why did she have to be a wuss and pass out at the sight of blood? I dropped her on my bed and pulled the covers over her. I had to clean up the mess. I went into the bathroom and used a bunch of paper towels to clean up the blood and put back all the supplies. My wrist ached in the process. After I finished up in the bathroom I went to go back to my bedroom to clean up the stain when I remembered how Sara smelt like weed, which means she was probably smoking just before she went in my room. I stepped inside her room, which reeked of the musky smell and went over to the window sill, to clean and put the marijuana in her special hiding spot.

After doing that, I went to the kitchen, grabbed a rag and searched the cabinet underneath the kitchen sink for something to clean the blood off the carpet. What am I supposed to use? Bleach? I grabbed the bleach and ventured back into my room. Sara was peacefully sleeping, sprawled out in the middle of my bed. I poured some of the bleach onto the rag and began scrubbing away at the stain that was splattered onto the carpet. Not much had landed on the carpet but enough for mum to notice. Mum! She's probably going to me home soon. I scanned over to the clock which read 8:12, its Monday, mum works late and won't be home until at least 11:30 or midnight, so I've got time. I began scrubbing again but the smell of blood and bleach was making it nearly impossible and I began getting woozy again. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I kept scrubbing until the red soon turned orange and almost disappeared completely. I shoved the bleach and rag in the corner until was about ready to collapse from exhaustion. I tried scooted Sara over but I didn't want to wake her up and face an awkward situation. I'm not ready to explain myself to her. I risked waking her up anyway by pushing her to the other end of my bed. I got myself comfortable and laid with my back to her, it wasn't long before I fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

SARA POV

I hesitantly opened my eyes and instantly felt like complete shit, even though I was comfy in bed. I stretched out and felt my hand hit something and froze. I looked over to see that the object I hit was Tegan, and all the events of tonight flooded my mind. Did I pass out? Oh that's embarrassing…. I check the clock; 1:03 AM, then I laid back down on my side to face Tegan's sleeping form, sprawled identical to mine across from me. Her face showed signs of being in a peaceful sleep, and I was glad that she was. I felt sorry for her. I've been such a bitch to her lately and I know she's struggling with her sexuality and is probably confused as hell and has a million problems that I've added on to. I cautiously grabbed the arm that's easiest to get to and hitched her shirt sleeve up to see that it wasn't the wrist that had the bandage but the sight in front of me was just as bad. I trailed my finger against the puffy scars that were probably from months ago, and hesitated before brushing my finger against a fresher, scabbed up one. I felt Tegan stir as I held onto her wrist but she squirmed out my grip and sleepily groaned while opening her eyes and glancing at me before closing them and falling back asleep. I thought that was weird, but I shook it off anyways and got myself comfy again.

I didn't close my eyes and tried falling back asleep. Instead, I studied the sleeping figure in front of me, looking for signs or something in her face that would tell me how to fix her completely. It was so quiet in the room and house. So, so quiet. The only sound I could hear is the quiet wisps of Tegans breathing and the faint thumping of her heartbeat, but I scooted closer to her to increase the volume. Her heartbeat was unbelievably slow and I had to put my hand on my chest to feel my own heartbeat and compare it to hers. Mine was a bit faster, I don't know if it's because I'm so close to her right now and I'm excited, or if it's just because when you sleep your heart rate goes down. Either way it doesn't matter. I nuzzled my face into her collarbone and sighed into it. I felt Tegan stir then I felt her arm drape lazily over the side of my torso. I looked up to see if she was awake but it was clear that she was definitely sleeping. Aw, she's unconsciously cuddling with me, how cute. I put my hand on her stomach and shut my eyes, getting closer to falling asleep as I listened to her steady breathing, and rhythmic heartbeat. I was half sleeping when Tegan made a sleep moan, then turned over onto her back, then over to her other side. I was so upset that she moved. I was now cold and felt as if she just blew me off and ditched me. I moved onto my back and looked at the posters she had on her ceiling, trying to get myself tired again. I felt the bed move again and looked over at Tegan who was in the process of flipping over and landing on her back, like I was. Her eyebrows were furrowed together and I felt bad when I realized that she was having a bad dream, but I have no control of her dreams which means I can't fix them. After a long amount of time I felt the bed bounce and heard the door open then close. I knew Tegan got up and left, but I was moments away from falling asleep, so I just told myself she was going to the bathroom.

When I woke up again, the room was glowing with white 'sunlight'. I looked over to my left to see if Tegan was there, but she wasn't. I checked the clock which read 2:43 PM. Shit, I just wasted half of my day. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw snow falling outside through the tiny slit of the curtain, so I walked up to the window and drew back the curtain. Snow was angrily spewing out of the sky in the size of golf balls. The ground was already covered in what had to be at least a foot of snow, if not more. I dragged my feet out of the room with the intention of going into the living room to watch the news, to find out how bad of a storm this is going to end up being and if its going to get worse. Knowing Canada, we're probably going to get enough snow to the point where the power lines are going to freeze like they always so so we're stuck without heat for hours.

When I got into the living room I saw Tegan curled up on the end of the couch sleeping, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie big enough to fit Bruce. Were they Bruce's? I walked over to the Television that was already turned on and grabbed the remote that was ontop of it and flipped to the news channel. I turned it up louder, enough to hear it in the kitchen, so I could rummage through the cupboards and fridge for something to eat. On the fridge was a note which read:

_Sara and Tegan,_

_It's going to blizzard, or so the newsman said, so I don't want you two leaving the house under __any__ circumstances, got it? I might end up getting stuck at work until the snow dies down, and I don't know how late I'll be. Fix yourselves some dinner if I can't make it. Be safe, love you xoxo_

_Mum_

Yes! Whole house to myself, and well, Tegan I guess. I have to confront her about her cutting, even if she refuses, she can't leave the house. Well, she could break mums rule and leave. But the snow won't make that possible…so hah! No way out, she's trapped.

I opened the fridge and after a minute or two at looking at my options groaned. There was food, but not what I was in the mood for. Soup, I could go for some soup. I opened the cabinet behind me and grabbed a can of vegetable soup. I then rummaged through the cabinet below the sink, and to the left to get a pan for my soup without making noise, but the pan I needed was all the way in the back. This was like a game of Jenga, I pulled out a skillet to get to the pan and the whole pile of pans and what not crashed making a booming roar of metal and clings and bongs and chongs and I blushed in embarrassment. I crouched back up and looked around the corner to the couch, to see if I woke her up, but she was gone. Where'd she go?

After I cleaned up my mess and got the pan I needed, I put the soup on the stove and let it cook while I went to check on Tegan. I knocked on her door and waited for a response. I heard muffled voice saying "What do you want?"

"Uh, I'm making soup. Do you want some?" I responded back. I felt awkward holding a conversation with her between a door.

"No."

With that I left, and checked on my soup, which was boiling. "fuck," I muttered, pushing it off the burner. After putting my soup in a bowl and picking up the mess I made, I sat on the couch and watched TV for a couple of hours. The time flew by and I haven't heard or even seen Tegan since this morning. She's been in her room this whole time.

The show I was watching ended and I flicked through the channels until I found a movie that I liked. I was watching the beginning credits when I heard the glass door being slid open and I turned my head to see Tegan, wearing a winter coat halfway through the door when I said something and stopped her I her tracks.

"Where are you going?" I asked

She put her hands in her pocket and pulled out a can and a brown paper bag then stepped fully outside.

"Wait! I want to come with you," I said right before she was about to close the door

"I'm not standing here and waiting for you. Get your coat on and meet me at the tree."

Our backyard had a ginormous tree in the corner of our yard. Tegan loved to smoke by that tree, or just sit and think. It was her calming spot and I'd often find her there when she was troubled. I vaguely remember the time when our mum told us she was divorcing dad, and Tegan went "missing." it took us hours to find her, but she was sitting behind the tree, a spot where no one could find her.

After putting on my coat I closed the door behind me. When did it get dark out? I was about to walk to the tree and stopped with my mouth wide open. There was so much snow, how the hell was I supposed to get to the tree, how did Tegan get to it? Oh! Tegan left her trail…but I'm still going to get crushed by snow in the process.

When I finally got to the tree and walked around it to the back, I saw Tegan sitting up against it taking a hit.

"Way to wait for me…" I muttered, sitting down next to her. I didn't care that my jeans were probably going to get wet.

"You took too long," She responded while handing me the can

"We should really invest in a bowl; I cut myself trying to make this one,"

My eyes got wide when she said "I cut myself" she obviously picked up on my 'deer in headlights' look and explained herself

"...pricked….pricked myself. My thumb, actually," She said hesitantly, while holding up her thumb to show me.

I didn't say anything; we had an awkward silence while Tegan fumbled with her hands. I sat there, spaced out while looking at the snow while still holding the can.

"Why do you do it?" I asked her.

"Do what?"

I tried to make eye contact with her, but when her eyes met mine she quickly looked away and went back to fumbling with her hands

"Oh. I don't want to talk about it,"

"Why not? You can't talk about hurting yourself, but you can hurt yourself? That doesn't make sense Tegan,"

"I said, I don't want to talk about it. Now take or hit or give the can to me,"

"I just want to help you,"

"You can't help me! Nobody can!" She yelled, causing me to hunch at the sound of her frustration

"I'm sorry, I just- I really don't want to talk about it. It's a personal as to why I do it, and I don't want you-or anyone knowing."

For the few seconds of silence I thought of reasons as to why she does it. A few reasons popped out, but one of them was the most prominent

"You can't accept the fact that you're gay…."

She gave me a weak smile, "That's one of them"

"Can…can I see them?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't expecting her to say yes, but when she started taking of her coat and rolled up her sleeves, I was surprised.

She showed me the arm that didn't have the bandage on it. A new set of carvings were created, I could tell. Those ones weren't there last night. A thought popped up in my mind, I feel touched that she's showing me this, willingly opening herself up right in front of me. I felt confident and asked her to take off her bandage.

"..I don't-I don't think…."

"It can't be that bad. Now unwrap it."

She hesitated at the last bit of bandage but I took her arm and gently did it for her. I gasped when I saw it. There were pretty bad ones, but there was one that was thick, and not protected with a scab like all the other ones. It was a yellow orange and red one, which still showed signs of bleeding. I'm pretty sure it was infected. It should have gotten stitches. I would have taken her to the hospital when it happened but I chickened out and fainted.

"Oh come on, don't fucking cry. I don't need this," She said. I hadn't even realized I was crying, but I was

She snapped her arm back and started re-wrapping her forearm

"You should go to the doctors or something. That's infected, badly."

"No! No one could know. You can't tell anyone. You can't Sara. Promise me you won't"

I didn't respond. I don't know if I should tell anyone, for her own safety. Do I promise her?

"I promise."

She was about to smile but I cut her off from it

"But! You have to promise to stop"

Her smile descended down into a frown. Then her face got angry

"What? No. No, no and no. You can't just- why would you even- I can't. I can't just stop."

"But you need to stop! You're hurting-" "I'm not hurting anyone Sara!"

"You're hurting me. It hurts me to see you hurt."

"It's not like I can just be happy. I have too much baggage on me."

"Talk to me about it,"

"No."

"I won't make you stop. But could you at least tell me before you cut? Please, Tegan."

She sat there for a minute before she hesitantly nodded her head

"Promise me,"

"I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

SARA POV

That was 12 years ago. And she never kept her promise. Now, we're both 28 years old. A lot has changed in those 12 years, but what hasn't changed is Tegan. Yeah, she grew older and yes, she got a job and lives in the apartment room next to me, but she still has the attitude of a teenager. Smokes, goes to parties and gets drunk out of her mind every weekend or day, depends on her mood.

I, on the other hand, decided to actually grow up and get a respectful job, unlike Tegan's bar tending one at a club. Also, unlike Tegan, I have a girlfriend, Emy. Tegan doesn't ever settle down with a girl, she just picks girls up at the bar and takes them home for a night they'll never forget, well, they all sound like they'll never forget….our apartments are right next to each other and her bedroom is on the other side of my bedroom wall, so I can hear a lot of what goes on in there. The girls she brings home, well, the ones I catch a glimpse of, are always attractive and cute. I don't know why she won't just stick with one of them.

Tegan acts like a tough badass all the time. Well, I hate to admit it, but she kind of is one, but that's not the point. The point is, is that I could see through her hard exterior. I know she wears those cloth bracelets for a reason, not because they 'look cool' or so she says. She knows I know that deep down she's still the tormented sixteen year old Tegan, and that annoys her. She tells me she's fine and to back off whenever I confront her.

As I sit on my family room couch reading a book and drinking a glass of wine, I hear banging around in Tegan's apartment. I sip the last bit of wine out of the glass and set it down on the wooden end table beside me with a sigh. I check the clock, 3 AM. Why the hell am I still up? I set my book down to get ready for bed. I turned off the lights, grabbed the book from the couch and took off my pants before slipping into bed. I turned on my reading lamp to finish my book. I felt an itch in my throat and coughed once to get it out, but I ended up coughing uncontrollably for a while. A little after I stopped coughing I heard a faint moan from the other side of the wall, then less than a minute later I heard more, but louder ones. I rolled my eyes and shut off the light. I heard another loud moan followed by a moaned "teeegggaannnnnn" A surge of heat rushed to my core. I couldn't help but have a flash back to when Tegan and I were gyrating against each other in bed. That was over a year ago, and Tegan doesn't remember it. I know she was drunk out of her mind and pretty sure on ecstasy because we had sex 4 times that night, and she was super loud. I mean a neighbor even banged on my door. I should have stopped her but at the moment I didn't want to. I'll never forget what those hands can do…

TEGAN POV

I was slammed against my fridge as the brunette sucked on my neck and cleavage, giving me multiple hickeys. Unlike her, I was sober. I slammed her against the wall of my hallway and grinded against her hips while toying with her tongue roughly. I never played nice. I picked her up and walked her to the bedroom and dropped her on the bed before slamming myself on top of her, causing her to moan. I sat up connecting my hips to hers and intertwined our legs and tore off my shirt and hers before spreading her legs and hovering over her wet entrance while squeezing her thighs. I was just about to get to work when I heard coughing and pictured Sara, sitting up in bed with a book covering her face. "Is everything okay?" I heard the girl breath out "Y-yeah, sorry. Now where were we?" I grinned before plunging in. I heard her moan louder and quicker. "Teeeegannnnn" She moaned out as she pooled in my mouth. She may seem finished, but I still slid my finger inside of her and pumped in and out. She came again before flipping me onto my back and putting her own two fingers inside of me while working at my clit. After I finished she rolled off of me and I got up to find a sports bra and a new pair of underwear. I tossed her clothes at her and she giggled, and drunkenly fumbled to put them on. I went into the kitchen and poured her a glass of water and called her a cab. I went back to the bedroom where she was putting on her shirt and handed her the glass and told her that I called her a cab

"When can I see you again baby?" she asked, wrapping her arms around my waist

"Your cab is probably here, you should get going."

She kissed me hard, before I gently pulled away

"I'll visit you at the bar," She smiled, tracing circles around my collarbone before leaving the room. A few seconds later I heard the front door shut.

I ran my fingers through my hair and a sighed and dramatically fell back onto the bed. I rolled over on my side facing the wall and draped the covers over me. I drew my knees up to my chest thinking how pathetic I am. I fuck a girl's brain out but cry when they leave every time. Every single time. My eyes burned into the wall, thinking of the sleeping Sara on the other side.

I opened my eyes and groaned before pulling the blanket over my face but I heard rustling and my cupboards opening and closing and decided to see what the ruckus was. I cautiously walked down my hallway and walked into the kitchen. No one was there. I shrugged it off and opened my fridge and grabbed my purple 'on the go' cup filled with water and took a sip while looking at the scarce content of foods. I was in the middle of sipping from my cup when I heard

"Tegan!" I gagged on my water and spun around to see Sara, holding a laundry basket

"It's not even noon and you're already drinking? Seriously!?" She snatched my cup from me as I was still choking

"What- what are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me! And this is water,"

She folded her arms and squinted her eyes at me,

"I swear! Drink some," I told her, gesturing to the cup. She hesitantly took a sip.

"Told you," I said

"Sorry for not trusting you,"

"It's fine. Now what are you doing here?"

"I'm cleaning up your filthy apartment. You have a week's worth of underwear sprawled around your whole apartment, how can you live like this!?"

"I live just fine, actually."

"I wouldn't be able to. Get dressed, we're going to see mum."

I blushed when I realized I was in my sports bra and underwear from last night. And I also forgot we were going to see mum today.

"And eat some Twinkies…" She said, looking me up and down.

I sighed and walked back to my bedroom and got dressed. I wanted to look nice for mum, so I put on a nice pair of jeans and put on a button up. That one I tried on was too baggy so I opted for a plain blue long sleeve shirt. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair before I walked back out. Sara was wiping down my countertops. She treats me like a baby sometimes and it gets on my nerves, even though my apartment does look pretty awesome. I actually live in a nice apartment, I just never feel like taking care of it.

I really wasn't looking forward to be driving in a car with Sara for 3 hours, but I'm going to somehow manage. As much as I love my sister, I find it hard to be with her for too long because 1: I'm in love with her and the urge to pounce on her and kiss every part of her body is getting a lot stronger and hard to control. And 2: She always acts like I'm a child that can't take care of myself. But I love her and it sucks that I can't have her, sucks so horribly bad.


	5. Chapter 5

SARA POV

I'm having a hard time deciding on whether or not the image of Tegan in her underwear was hot, or disturbing. It was disturbing because I could easily see her back bone and her hipbones were extruding so far out from the bands of her underwear, and I know it's because she doesn't like to eat. But it was hot because I could see how large her chest really was and she looked great in her underwear at the same time. It was a lot more hot than disturbing, I decided, but she still worries me. I'm feeling pretty excited for driving in the car with her for such a long period of time, giving us a chance to have some one on one time. I love spending time with Tegan, even if she does shut me out, I find it entertaining to try to make her let me in although she gets pissy at me for it.

Tegan came out in a pair of darkwash jeans and a tight long sleeve shirt with a backpack strapped over her shoulder.

"What's up with the back pack?" I asked

"Uh…aren't we spending the night and driving home in the morning?"

"No….We're leaving tonight. I have work in the morning and I couldn't take it off."

"Shit! I forgot to call Rachel and tell her I can't go to work tonight, fuck."

"How are you not fired yet? You should have lost your job months ago, you never show up to work,"

"Are you kidding me!? Rachel would never fire me! I'm the top bar tender…plus I'm sleeping with her and anyone in their right mind wouldn't give that up."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes as I opened the door and walked out with Tegan following suit

"I'll never understand you Tegan,"

"Good. That's how I want it to be,"

As we walked to the garage complex I fumbled around in my bag for my keys, when I finally found them I pressed the unlock button and heard the faint beeps of my car. I got in, buckled up, and waited for Tegan to settle in before reversing and driving on the 10 minute stretch of road to the highway. After an hour and a half on the road I noticed Tegan was getting a little antsy.

"Do you need to pee?" I asked

"Am I that obvious?"

"Yes. I'll stop at the next gas station; there should be one coming up at the next exit,"

"Hurry up, my bladder is going to explode"

"Oh stop being a little drama Queen you can hold it for five minutes,"

She playfully stuck her tongue out at me and I stuck mine out in return. When we got to the gas station, Tegan went to the bathroom while I roamed the snack and drink aisle. I picked up a bag of Cheetos and a water bottle. I saw Tegan come out of the bathroom and I called her name and held up the bag of Cheetos and asked if she wanted a bag, she made a "yucky" face and shook her head

TEGAN POV

Sara walked up to me and asked why I didn't want Cheetos while flipping her hair back and licking her lips. I got distracted by her mouth and it took me a while to answer back

"I….I don't like Cheetos. I'm not hungry, thanks though."

She furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms "Will you eat something?" She asked. I knew if I didn't eat she'd pester me all day until I ate and I didn't really feel like hearing it so I scoffed and went in an aisle and grabbed a bag of skittles and walked back and handed them to her

"Tegan this isn't food,"

"Whatever! I told you I'm not hungry,"

"You need to eat,"

"And **you** need to stop treating me like you're my mother," I said angrily and walking away, out of the store and into the car sitting with my arms crossed.

It wasn't long before Sara climbed back in the car. Without a word, she tossed a bag of animal crackers on my lap and placed a second water bottle in the cup holder. She knows I love animal crackers.

The rest of the car ride was silent, except for the anxiety that was screaming in my head and making my heart rate increase. I'm nervous to see Mum. I haven't seen her in a while so it was necessary on her part to run up to the car and greet us before we even got out. When I did hop out of the car she bear hugged me and lifted me up off the ground for a second. How long has it been since the last time I seen her?

"I haven't seen you guys in forever!" She squealed, now it was Sara's turn for a hug

"And you, Miss Tegan, why haven't you called me? Sara calls me all the time; I can't even remember the last time I've gotten a call from you, what's going on? How've ya been?"

"Nothing much, I've been alright, and you?"

She grabbed my shoulders and looked at me with a weird look on her face

"…Mum…what are you doing?" I asked, confused and terrified. Is there a spider or something on my face?

"Tegan you look awful, you look like a skeleton, dear God…"

I scoffed and shrugged my shoulder so her hands would slide off

"Love you too Mum…"

I heard Sara laugh behind me and Mum made an audible stuttering noise

"Wha- I didn't mean it like that Tegan! Oh come on, honey!"

"It's fine mum! Where's Bruce? I said, walking up the steps to the house. I opened the door and walked in, my teen years smacking me in the face. It really has been a long time since of been here…

I walked over to the wall that was decorated with a bunch of pictures of Sara and me and scanned them over as I listened to the murmurs of Mum and Sara's talking as they walked in. I focused my attention to one of the pictures. It was of me when I was about sixteen, sitting up against the giant willow tree in the backyard. I felt a pang of sadness in my heart, knowing that the tree is gone. It had to be chopped down because the roots grown too big and they were starting to obstruct the house's structure under ground

SARA POV

My mum was telling me a story about something she did with a bunch of her girlfriends last weekend but I wasn't paying attention. My attention was drawn to Tegan, who was looking at the wall of pictures, but her focus was set on directly one picture. She looked at it with a pained expression on her face and I wanted to know which one it was. I couldn't tell from over here,

"…..And as soon as I got home I just passed out. I didn't even bother to change out of my jeans and now Bruce always makes little comments about it. Like 'oh you're actually going to wear pajamas to bed?' Anyways, I'll stop rambling about my life now. What's up? How are you and Emy been doing?"

"We've been great! We've been really good actually, I'm happy with her, and as far as I know she's happy with me." I finished with a smile. I really am happy…but the heart can be in love with two people at the same time…right?

"Ohhhhhh! I'm so glad!"

I smiled back and waited for her to say something. I watched as mum looked over at Tegan, who was still gazing over the pictures. She grabbed my arm and pulled me further into the kitchen

"What's going on with Tegan? She seems…different lately." She whispered

"She's just been….she's been uh…"

"Just because you guys are whispering doesn't mean I can't hear you," Tegan said with annoyance laced in her voice

"…Sorry hun…Are you guys hungry? We can go out to Janes diner, like we used to! It'll be fun!"

"I'm game. I could go for one of their famous burgers." Tegan replied. I'm surprised she's actually going to eat.

We ate at Jane's and I felt myself getting excited for Tegan. She was acting normal and that made me really happy. Before we knew it, it was ten PM and it was time for us to say our goodbyes and Tegan and I were off on the road again.


	6. Chapter 6

TEGAN POV

I tried so hard to act 'normal' at the restaurant today. I could tell that it made Sara happy, and I want Sara to be happy. Even if it took everything in me not to throw up that awful burger, I ate it so Sara would be satisfied. The burger itself wasn't bad; I just can't stomach anything lately, and as soon as I convinced Sara to stop at a rest stop bathroom, that burger was gone, out of my system, up chucked into the plumbing pipes connected to the toilet.

As soon as I got out of that car and back into my apartment a weight lifted off my shoulders, well somewhat. My emotions were choking me and I need my release, so I climbed up on top of my refrigerator and grabbed my set of razors from inside a decorative box and isolated myself in the corner of my kitchen and leaned up against the counter and let the air flow through my throat. Finally, I can breathe. I need to distance myself from Sara for a few days after today; I can't take not being able to have her. And Mum bringing up Emy in every conversation was not helping either.

I've learned to hold back my sobs and just let everything build up inside my head, even if I do get a stuffy nose and a headache. I heard my house phone ring and since it was right above my head, I just reached up and grabbed it. I wasn't going to answer it but when I saw that the caller I.D read the number to the bar, I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Tegan, baby! Listen, so I know that you said you couldn't work tonight, but is there any way you could possibly come down here for a few hours? The new bar tender needs a little help,"

"You hired fresh meat? When?"

"Eh, that doesn't really matter. All the matters is that she's hot and skilled."

"She's hot? How so?"

"She's a redhead,"

"Damn."

"Yeah, so will you come?"

"Only if I get paid extra…"

"Damn you Quin! I'll do it, Gotta love your slyness. Be here as soon as possible, chow."

"Bye,"

I left my pity party on the floor and stood up to the womanizer I am and dashed into my bedroom and pulled on black skinny jeans and a tight black v-neck and slipped on my cloth bracelets. I finished off with a brush of my teeth and a tousle of my hair and I was off to the bar.

I was on the outside of my apartment door locking it when I heard footsteps beside me. I turned my head to see Emy, just about to open the door to Sara's apartment

"Oh hey Tegan, off to work I see?" _And Sara said she had to wake up early…_

"Yup. I'll talk to you later Emy, have a good night."

"You too. It was nice seeing you!" I turned my head, but still kept walking, and smiled before turning my head back around and rolling my eyes at her chipper-ness

On the way to the Bar, I couldn't help but let my mind fantasize about this new redhead chick. I entered through the back door and said hi to Rachel before going making my way to the usual spot at the bar. I noticed that the club was a lot busier than usual. My eyes immediately went to the long red hair that was bouncing about while the girl quickly made drinks to the demanding costumers. She was wearing the same outfit as me but she topped it off with Red shiny pumps. At this point, I've only seen her backside which was enough to make the fire burn between my legs, so when I swung around behind the bar and got a look at her face, the fire roared more. She was wearing red lipstick, to match her shoes, I suppose. And she had big, blue eyes topped off with long eyelashes. She immediately noticed me, and I was about to introduce myself when the roar of a loud angry customers order interrupted us. She was about to make it when I stopped her and told her "I got it," I ended it with a wink and she smiled.

"I'm Tegan by the way," I shouted to her, over the booms of the crowd, I grabbed a towel and dried off my hands and stuck one out to her, she accepted it and shook it

"Rouge,"

"Oh, I get it. Red, like the color of your hair,"

"You catch on quick, don't you?" She smirked

"You could say that," I smirked back

I watched as she easily mixed one of the hardest drinks on the menu quickly and sent it off like it was nothing, yet she did it with confidence. I admired this girl already

"So where'd you obtain your skills from?"

"Martini Lounge, you know, down on Patterson street,"

"Are you kidding me? Of course I know! What are you doing here then?" The martini lounge was a laid back, more sophisticated bar, unlike this huge, always busy bouncing club.

"Boss was an ass, so I quit."

"But wouldn't the pay be worth putting up with an asshole of a boss?"

"You would think so, but I think switching to this place is already paying off," She finished with a wink right before she picked up a bottle of vodka and poured it into a shot.

Another roar of flames shot up in my legs and I walked up behind her and reached both hands between her waist and was about to pull out two bottles of Smirnoff but paused

"You're right about that one," I oozed into her right ear right before pulling out those two bottles. I felt her smile as I turned around

When I looked back she was smirking while shaking a bottle preparing a mojito. I knew I had this girl in the palm of my hands already.

Throughout the night I've been stealing shots of various drinks, as has Rouge. It's safe to say I'm a little more than buzzed by the time the bar closes at 4. I hold open the back door for her and watch her backside as she walks listening to her heels and the sound of the nightlife of the city while we walk down the long alley

"Walk you to your car?" I ask deciding to keep it in my pants tonight; I'm too drunk to have sex. But I guess she's not, because with one move, I'm pinned against the wall

"You're such a gentleman. Cut it out," She growls, just before she collided my lips with hers, surely smearing her red lipstick on my lips. I wasn't complaining though, her mouth tasted like cherries and I was melting into her touch. I suddenly remembered that I was the one who always had to be in control of these situations, this is my thing. So I flipped her over and deepened the kiss. My hands found my way up her shirt and rested on my bare hips then slid their way up to cup her breasts. We stood there for a while, making out like two lovesick teenagers until we simultaneously broke apart.

She smiled at me and bit her lip

"You know, red's a good colour on you," She said, wiping off the smeared lipstick underneath my bottom lip, before taking it in between her teeth and pulling on it one last time then spun on her heels and strut away. The sound of her heels echoing off the walls of the alley and once again, I found myself staring at her ass.

All of a sudden I heard slow clapping and I spun around quickly to see Rachel, walking out from behind a dumpster holding a cigarette between her fingers.

"Way to go Tegan. That was fucking hot,"

"Wha- where did you come from?"

"Did you guys not hear me burst through the door five minutes ago?"

"Well I was a little distracted…"

"Tell me about it. You better watch yourself Quin, that girl has got you like putty. You better step up and take control or you're in for shit,"

"She does not have me like putty, and quit spying on me," I teased

"Oh I think she does,"

"No, she doesn't."

"Whatever. Get on home before someone mugs you. I can't lose my top of the line womanizer, you bring in a shit ton of money, I hope you know,"

"Oh I do know," I flirted back licking my lips. I turned around and started walking away when I felt a hand wrap around my waist and pull me back. Rachel's mouth was immediately on mine for another round of doing the reason why I still have my job.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm starting to think none of you readers like my story, I haven't been getting many reviews! I would love to hear your thoughts, so please, send me some reviews please!**

The next night I found myself in the alley with Rouge, only this time it was more heated. I had her riding my thigh until she was begging, whimpering to me for more. See, I'm not the one who's putty. We completed a round of Class A Friction fuck, and it was spectacular, so I decided to bring her home A few nights later.

SARA POV

Emy and I sat in my bed and read separately like we usually did before bed. I loved doing this, it made me feel closer to her. I read my book with the slightest smile on my face, knowing that Emy's comfortable presence was filling the room. A little while later I heard the bumping around in Tegan's apartment and my heart sank knowing what we're about to hear. Emy's never experienced a round of Tegan's charades and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment as soon as we heard the moaning. I looked over cautiously to Emy to find her face animated with amusement.

"Oh my God, is that Tegan?"

"…Yeah…." I said hesitantly. I was preparing for her to say something along the lines of 'that's disgusting, seriously, you need to move'

"Woah…That's kind of hot…"

"What?" I said acting like it was nasty

"Oh come on, you're telling me that that's not hot or arousing?"

"She's my sister Emy,"

"You must think I'm stupid, don't you?"

"What…What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you being hopelessly in love with Tegan,"

My eyes got wide and my heart sank to my stomach. How did she know?

"Why else would you move in next to her? I mean, I can see it in your face when you look at her."

"…You're not grossed out?"

"No! In fact, I find it kinda hot…"

I chuckled at that last statement

"I love you too though," I said

"I know you do. I love you too, if I didn't I wouldn't be with you."

"Do you think she loves me back?"

"That, I don't know. Tegan is one of the most hardest people to read. I can't get anything out of her. But you, on the other hand, are like opening up a book and reading a chapter every time I look at your face."

"I can't believe you're okay with this! I mean it's not a bad thing, it's awesome. I find myself disgusting sometimes for being in love with my sister. You don't know how good it feels to finally get that baggage off of my shoulders…"

"Of course I'm okay with this. It's kind of kinky…you know, like something you'd find in a porno. Two lesbian twins in love."

"One lesbian twin in love. She doesn't love me back…" My voice drifted off in pain and Emy picked up on it and put a hand on my shoulder and kissed my forehead

"Hey, lose the frown. You know what you gotta do?"

"What do I have to do?"

"Get her drunk out of her fucking mind or something and just bang the shit out of her."

A roar of laughter boomed throughout the room but I stopped it abruptly, because that already happened.

"Actually…." I said. Emy's eyes got wide and her jaw opened with the hint of a smile

"Oh my god! That already happened? Didn't it?! Tell me more!"

"I feel like two teenagers gossiping right now,"

"That's 'because we are! Now don't change the subject, tell me the story,"

"Okay, well it was about a year ago around 4:30 in the morning. Tegan somehow managed to scramble into my apartment drunk, and on E and I don't really remember how we started fucking but once we started, we didn't stop. I think we had sex at least four times that night…"

"Holy shit…"

"Yup."

"Oh my god!"

"I know!" I squealed into my pillow.

"But she doesn't remember it…"

"That's okay. It's like taboo"

Emy's leaned in for a passionate kiss and ended up straddling me.

"Mmmm You really are turned on by this aren't you?" I moaned

Just as I said that a loud moan oozed out of a mouth from next door, and Emy smiled against my lips.

"Definitely"

TEGAN POV

Rouge and I lay side by side panting heavily, smiles plastered on both of our faces. She turned her head over to me causing her neck muscles to bulge out and I curled my head over to them and began sucking on them once again.

"You're a firecracker, you know that?" I told her as I straddled her

"And you really are a nympho,"

"Mhmmmm I moaned against her lips. I retracted, sat up and pinned her arms up by her head

"Where'd you hear that from?" I asked, spreading her legs and attaching my core to hers, softly grinding

"Mmmph Uh….you know…from around ohhh!" She moaned, as she rolled her hips in tune with mine

Her hands snaked up to my bouncing breasts and began toying with my nipples; It wasn't long before we both came for the second time that night.

I kissed her lips one last time and hopped off of her and put a clean pair of underwear on and a tight shirt.

"So do you want me to leave?" She asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

I looked at her while thinking of what my answer would be. I've never had a girl spend the night, the always left right after. But there's something different about this one, and I have this strange feeling that I should keep her here with me.

"Nope, you're staying with me" I cooed, climbing back onto the bed with her, slipping in between the covers. She followed suit and joined me underneath the blanket

"Is this something you do often? You seem like the type of girl who fucks and sends the girl off…"

"You're different." I said, scared that I've already revealed too much of myself to her

She smiled while looking down at my bracelets

"Why haven't you taken those off? I've never seen you without them"

I shrugged my shoulders and slowly tucked both of the arms underneath the covers so they weren't exposed. My heart rate sped up when she reached under the covers and grabbed one. What is she doing? I'm going to pass out, stop! Don't…don't look under there, I screamed, in my head, of course.

She looked me in the eye with a questioning look on her face.

"What do you have under here?" She asked. I didn't say anything. My vocal cords vanished into thin air.

She gently tucked my arm underneath the blanket and my panic eased a tad

"Everybody's got secrets, you know," She whispered "Just don't let them define who you are," she finished with a smile before rolling over and snuggled into the covers.

Her words echoed in my head, and I stayed up most of the night letting them ring in my ears as I watched her sleep. This girl was definitely different, and special.


	8. Chapter 8

SARA POV

I woke up at 7 AM, showered, and got dressed to go to work. It was around 7:45 by the time I was out the door. I was locking my apartment door when Tegan's door open and out slipped a woman with messy red curly hair and smeared makeup wearing a tight black dress, she was in the process of pulling on some stilettos and she seemed startled by my presence. I smiled at her and continued to lock my door. I waited until she was inside the elevator and out of my sight before I re entered my apartment. Who was this chick!? Tegan never had girls spend the night! I frantically ran into my bedroom and shook Emy awake

"Emy! Emy! Wake up!"

"errrrmm What is it Sara?" She groaned

"A girl spent the night at Tegan's last night…and she was hot!"

"What? Why is that so significant?" she asked, confusingly

"Because Tegan never lets girls spend the night."

"I still don't understand why you're so upset about this."

"If Tegan let the girl sleepover, then somethings up. Tegan must like her! What do I do?"

"Just let her do her thing, you know Tegan, they probably just accidently fell asleep or something,"

"Ugh you don't get it. I have to go to work." I groaned I heard Emy shout "I love you!" Right before I left

_If I'm as easy as a book to read, why can't Emy understand the significance of this situation? I need to find out more about this redhead girl…_

Throughout the whole day at work I couldn't get the image of that girl out of my mind. She doesn't even seem like Tegans type. Then again girl is Tegans type…but she kind of seems out of her league to be honest, like she'd be with someone who had 100 dollar bills in their pocket like they were dollar bills. I'm over analyzing this situation, but I cant help but freak out…

After ten minutes of being home I knocked on Tegans door.

TEGAN POV

I woke up with a sticky note on my forehead. I sleepily read what it said

_Morning sunshine, sorry I left without waking you up. I've have important errands to run and I'm on a tight schedule. See you later ;)_

_P.S I couldn't find my bra…would you mind looking for it for me? It's one of my favourites_

I smiled and felt my heart warm up. But the heat soon turned to ice. I can't be falling in love…Can I be? No. That cannot happen. It can't! I need to hold out for Sara…no, Sara's never going to love me! Am I seriously going to give up this dream girl for loving someone who is literally unavailable? Yes. Sara is my everything…And I'm going to have her one way or another…

The rest of the day consisted of me sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear. It wasn't a productive day at all. It was fun though; I enjoyed spending my time watching childish cartoons. Around 8 PM I took a shower and got ready for the club. I was blow drying my hair when I heard a faint knock from my door. I turned off the blow dryer, even though half of my head was still wet and the other half was crazily blown in every direction and answered the door. It was Sara, surprisingly.

"Uh hey, what's up?"

"Terribly bored. Can I come in?" I had no idea why Sara would want to hang out with me. Something must be up

"Sure," I moved out of the way so she could come in.

"Wow, you actually managed to keep your apartment clean. I'm proud"

"Well you just cleaned it a few days ago; I'm not that much of a slob."

"Oh yeah? Tell that to your hair," She teased.

"You're the one who interrupted my blow dryer,"

"Your whole head is practically dry already, why were you blow drying it?" She asked, following me into the bedroom. I offered for her to sit on the bed and she accepted it. I straightened my hair using the long rectangular mirror I have above my dresser, while talking with Sara.

"Uh…So who's is this? I'm guessing it's not yours…"

I looked over at Sara to see what she was talking about. She was holding up a dark blue silk bra with black lace shadowing the bottom part with a bow in the middle, topped off with a bunch of 'crystals' over the cups. I instantly got a flashback of Rouge on top of me, as I guffawed over how pretty it was.

"How can you tell it's not mine?" I asked, trying not to smile, but I failed

"Well, it's a little smaller than you are, plus this thing looks like it cost 500 dollars. I mean damn, who is this chick?"

"Why do you care?" I asked, dying to know the answer

"I don't. I just want to make sure you give it back,"

"I will."

"Woah, wait. Are you telling me you're going to see this girl again? What happened to hitting 'em and quitting 'em?

I chuckled at that last part and thought of what to say next

"I work with the girl,"

"You know you're not supposed to mix work with pleasure, right?"

"Do you even know me Sara? My work is how I _get _my pleasure,"

"So what's her name?"

_Why did she care?_

"Rouge,"

"Rouge? That's different,"

"I like different. Why'd you want to know?"

"I just wanted to put a name to the girl I saw stumbling out of your apartment at 7 AM this morning,"

"So you saw her, huh? Did you say anything?"

"No, but she did give me a weird look. I think it's time to tell her you have a twin,"

"No, I'll pass on that one."

I heard her chuckle as I straightened the last piece of my hair. I looked over to my night stand and read the clock

"Shit! I've gotta get to work!"

"Alright, have fun. And don't forget this," She said throwing the bra at me, I caught it, put on my shoes and let Sara walk out the door first. I rushed down the hallway and entered the elevator and waved to her just as the door closed. I lied to Sara about having to go to work, I'm just going to visit Rouge at her shift. Sara usually wouldn't care so much about the girls I bring home. Could she be jealous? But why would she be? Unless she likes me! Does she?

I bounced my way through the crowd and leaned my elbows up on the bar and waited for Rouge to notice me. She seemed caught up in mixing one of the drinks and I watched as she concentrated on adding the right ingredients, all while biting her lip. It wasn't until after she sent the drink off she noticed me.

"What's a gal like you doing at a place like this?" She asked, I chuckled and was about to lean in for a kiss when

"Teeeeeegannn! Where ya been? I haven't seen you in forever!" Johnny asked, he was a bar tender also, a pretty good friend of mine too, but I haven't seen him in awhile

"The question is, where have _you_ been? I've been working my little bum off here every night,"

"It's not little," Rouge chimed in

"Wait, you two know each other?"

"Yup, we sure do." I said

He rolled his eyes while smiling

"Leave it to Tegan to grab all the goods,"

Rouge laughed and began mixing another drink, while Johnny went off to go take an order.

"Hey," I said, while dangling the bra on the tip of my finger

She snatched it from me quickly put it in her purse that was underneath the bar.

"Thanks," She said, cheeks blushing

"So when does your shift end?"

"Uh…in about 30 minutes,"

"I can wait that long."

"I'll fix you up a drink. Whadda want, sugar?"

I chuckled at the nickname she gave me "Scotch, on rocks."

"Damn, you're not messing around, are you?"

"Nope."

By the time her shift ended, my vision was blurry and I got that familiar warm feeling in my throat and stomach from the scotch. I dragged Rouge to the dance floor and we danced until my feet were numb. No really, my feet were numb.

Next thing I know, we're laying in my bed together, fully clothed. This was weird, I've never done this before, but I like this.

"You're super drunk, aren't you?" She asked, giggling. She looked really pretty, she looked good in blue

"I feel weird. Did you put something in my drink?"

"Of course not! Why would you even ask that?"

"I just feel funny! Don't take it the wrong way!"

"Okay, okay." She giggled. What's so funny?

"So….." She trailed off

"So?"

"Who's that woman who lives next door to you?"

"Sara," I really didn't want to tell her more, and I was hoping she wasn't going to say anything about her

"Is she your sister? I mean, you two look a lot alike it's insane,"

"She's my twin"

"You have a twin? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You already know too much about me," I responded. As soon as those words escaped my lips I knew I fucked up. Here come the questions…

"Oh I get it. You're one of those people, who are afraid of letting people in, aren't you?"

"….No…" How the hell does she know? This is making me uncomfortable

"Ohhhhh and you are a liar too!"

"Excuse you!" Something inside of me clicked and I began flipping out on her

"Who the hell are you to call me a liar? I shouted, sort of

"Woah, Tegan, calm down, I just- I just-"

"You just what? Come in here and think you can analyze every aspect of me?"

"Tegan I didn't mean to offend you,"

"Well, you did. I would appreciate it if you would leave,"

"I think you're overreacting a bit,"

"Seriosly!? You're doing it again!"

"Doing what!?"

"Just- just please leave,"

"Fine,"

As soon as she left, the stupid emotions gripped at my neck and deprived me of my oxygen. Why the hell did I just do that? I just let a Victoria secret model walk out my front door! It's for the best…she knew too much. She doesn't know about my love for Sara! Sara….

I walked into my kitchen and took two Xanax, hoping it would calm my frazzling nerves. At the time, I thought it was a great idea, but a half an hour later, I realized how big of a mistake I made. I thought that my vision was blurry two hours ago, but this, this is just insane. Wait, this is actually fun! I could get used to this. I want to talk to somebody…I feel lonely. Plus, I feel like I'm dreaming. Is this a dream?


	9. Chapter 9

SARA POV

I was increasingly getting more frustrated with each minute that passed. For some reason I just couldn't sleep. I thought I heard a knock at the door, but I shook it off. I must be hearing things, it's 3 oclock in the morning, who would be at my door. I turned on my light and grabbed my book and read the first line of my 3rd chapter when I heard the knock again, then fumbling around. A minute later I heard my door open and I froze. What do I do? I didn't even have time to get up and out of my bed when my bedroom door slowly opened

"Hey Sara! Whadda you up to?" Tegan slurred, stumbling in my room. Is she drunk? High? Both?

"For God's sakes Tegan! Do you have any idea how badly you scared me!?"

"Hehe, sorry," She giggled, then plopped herself on the bed, laying on her stomach in the spot next to me

"What are you doing here?" I choked out, still shocked that Tegan was in my bed, so close to me. I haven't been in a bed with her in a year…

"What are _you_ doing here?"

I just looked at her baffled, as she flipped over onto her back and got underneath the covers and turned to face me, with a smile on her face and giggles escaping from her mouth.

"Tegan are you high?

"Uhhhhh kinda. I don't know."

"What do you mean 'you don't know?' What did you take?"

"Well I drank tonight, but then I got scared and took Xanax"

"Why were you scared?"

"I got in a fight with Rouge,"

She's being really honest with me; I'm getting a lot of information out of her…

"What was it about?"

"It was about me being me,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means everything!"

"You're not making sense, Tegan"

"Nothing makes sense. Feelings don't make sense, Sara."

She's confusing me right now. I'm having a hard time understanding her. Silence ripples throughout the whole room, I have no idea how to respond to that.

"Hahah, Sara, you look funny. Stop making that face," She giggled, before crawling ontop of me. What face was I making?

"Tegan, what-" She bobbed her head right in front of mine and kissed me, before I had the chance to kiss back she already pulled away. What just happened!?

"'Night Sara! I love you! I'm going to go to sleep, maybe that will wake me up from my dream,"

"Tegan what dream? You just kissed me…."

"I'm dreaming right now, see?" She kissed me again, this time she let her lips linger against mine

"It's all just a dream. I can't have you in reality,"

She thinks she's dreaming. How many Xanax did she take?

"Tegan you're not dreaming…"

"Of course I am. If I kissed you in real life you wouldn't react how you are reacting right now, it would be much worse,"

Should I play it off like she really is dreaming and take advantage? Tegan loves me! Wait…are we dreaming? No, it can't be. You can't feel in your dreams and I'm definitely feeling something right now.

I need to say something!

"Uhhhhh…you're right. Let's get you to bed, your bed." Tegan can't sleep here; she needs to wake up in her own bed so she can forget this ever happened. I'm going to be a big girl and deal with this situation when's she's sober. I'm sick of taking advantage of her when she's fucked up on alcohol or drugs…

"What? I want to sleep with you," She mumbled, snuggling her face into my stomach more,

I really didn't want to get up, but it's for the best,

"C'mon Tegan, if you love me you'll go sleep in your bed, let's go."

"I do love you!" My stomach unleashed a billion butterflies. She really does love me! I never want this feeling to go away…

"Then let's go!"

"Okay," She held out her arms and I grabbed her hands and pulled her out of the bed and got her up at her feet, but she stumbled so I had to catch her.

"Carry me, Sara," She asked, giving me the puppy dog face. I figured with her tiny frame she would be easy to carry, and when I swooped her up I discovered that it was. A lot easier than I expected…I really need to get this girl eating a bunch of fries and burgers to fatten her up a tad, or at least eating anything at all.

I carried her out of my apartment and turned the knob to her apartment door hoping it was unlocked, it was. I looked down at Tegan in my arms he seemed to be sleeping, was she?

I her bedroom door was already open a bit and I used my foot to open it more. I nearly dropped Tegan when I saw Rouge, standing in the middle of the bedroom

"Oh! My god!" I squealed, She scared the crap outta me

""Oh, I- I'm sorry, I was just looking for Tegan….Uhm, is she alright?" She asked, eyebrows furrowed together. I mentally cursed at Tegan for falling asleep at the worst time possible.

"I'm not sure," I responded, this was awkward

"I'm sorry, I should go-Will you tell Tegan to call me? I really need to talk to her," She asked walking past me and stopping at the door frame

I nodded my head and watched her leave, eyes travelling south. I couldn't help but imagine her in that blue bra I found earlier.

I realized I was standing like a dummy with Tegan in my arms and placed her on the bed gently, pulled the covers over her and turned off the light before leaving her apartment and going back to my bed.


	10. Chapter 10

SARA POV

In the morning, the first think I did was call Emy to tell her what had happened but she didn't answer. Right when I was about to leave from work, I called her again, from my office phone.

"Hello?" Answered an unfamiliar voice

"Uh hi…Who is this?"

"Kaki, who is this?" Kaki? Do I have the right number?

"Kaki who? Is this Emy's phone?"

"Yes, this is Emy's phone. And I'm Kaki, Emy's girlfriend…I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name,"

My insides froze and dropped to the pit of my stomach. A thousand thoughts flooded my mind. I had no idea what to say. How could Emy do this to me?

"Hello? You still there?" "Babe, who are you talking to? Why do you have my phone…." I heard Emy's voice through the line,

"Uh I don't know, I think it's for you though," I heard the rattling on the other end which signaled kaki was handing Emy the phone

"Hello?"

"You told me you- you said you loved me, I can't believe you would do something like this to me-or anyone even. Does Kaki know? Emy I can't- I can't deal with this. Don't bother trying to come up with an explanation, I'm done. Goodbye Emy," I hung up the phone before she even had time to say anything.

I rushed out of the building and ran my way to my car. I'm not really a crier, okay, that's a total lie. I cry all the time, but not audibly. I always make sure I'm silent, but right now as I'm driving my way home, I could care less that the cars next to me could probably hear my wails through the window when I'm stopped by a red light.

When I get to my apartment building, it's dark out, it's not nighttime, it's dark from the clouds that are threatening a monstrous storm. Perfect weather for how I'm feeling. I stripped off my clothes and threw on a giant T-shirt, leaving me only in the shirt, underwear and socks. I drag my way to the bed and think of all the bad things Emy's done to me, to sort of make me feel 'better' about my ended relationship, but I can't find any. Emy was damn near perfect. With that in mind all I could do is wail into my pillow. I need Tegan; I really need her right now, more than anything. Screw Emy.

TEGAN POV

I pulled my eyes open but quickly shut them from the light that hissed into my skull, all with a load groan. I didn't want to get up, but I did any way. I'm sick of being lazy. I swung my legs over the side of my bed and slowly brought my feet to the ground and lifted myself upward, but found it hard to stand up straight and hunched over, while curling my arm around my stomach to try to hold in the nausea that was burning up my throat. I sprinted to the bathroom, and as I gripped the toilet seat, I cursed myself for not having anything to puke up in my stomach. After dry heaving for an unknown amount of time I dashed back to my kitchen and shoved anything down my throat. I so desperately need to throw up, or else I won't feel better. I'd only scarfed down half an un-toasted bagel and immediately felt it coming back up, and once again my face was buried inside the bowl of the toilet, only this time I wasn't dry heaving. The thought that my body couldn't even hold half a bagel scared me, as much as I wanted to puke, I was terrified. This has happened before, but I know the cause of my illness right now was from a nasty hangover, but every other time I'd eaten I couldn't hold it down. The only thing I could stomach was liquid.

After brushing my teeth four times, using mouthwash 3 times, and showered once, I was already exhausted. It was around 9pm when I got a call from an already drunk Johnny.

"Teeeeegan! C'mon down to Fringe. We're in the VIP lounge!"

"Ughhh Johnny I really don't feel like it, I'm kinda hungover,"

"But Tegan! I miss you soo much! Come have fun with us….I _dare_ you."

Dammit! Johnny knows I can never say no to a dare. He learnt this when I was once dared to lick body shots off of him by my lady of that night.

"Damn you Johnny, you're always going to get me with that, are you?"

"Haha Yup. I'll be waiting outside the door, so hurry up!"

Since I was showered, all I had to do was pull on a pair of pants and I was out my door. I didn't bother driving since it was only a block away, even if it was raining just ten minutes ago.

I saw Johnny taking a drag from a cigarette from someone amongst the long, long line of people that were waiting to get in. He immediately noticed me grabbed me by the waist and picked me up.

"TEGAN! YOU'RE HERE!" He slurred. He was drunker than I thought

"I am! Now put me down Johnny," I'm sure we looked awkward, and how he was squeezing me made me feel uneasy.

"What's the matter? Feeling down? I can _pick_ your mood up!" When he said pick he literally picked me up and threw me over his shoulder

"Johnny!" I wailed, now I really felt sick, but I was also giggling, even though my face was near his butt and mine was surely in his face. I wanted to flail my legs but I didn't want to kick him in the face.

"Let us through, Jason?" He asked the bouncer I couldn't see.

"Sure thing, have fun…" Johnny pushed past the red rope into the club. When Johnny walked forward I could now see the bouncer, who was smiling at me and then winked. Ew.

"Johnny if you drop me I swear to God…" I squealed as he walked me up the steps. I'm sure we look like idiots.

"Drop you? Naw, I wouldn't do that." We stopped at the top and he smacked my bum before putting me down,

"Sorry, it was in my face and I couldn't resist,"

I gave him a playful dirty look, and then looked at my surroundings. This club was really cool, especially up here. There was a crowd of fancy looking people and an exclusive bar.

Johnny led me to his group of friends, some of them I recognized, and some I didn't, sitting in a red velvet booth.

"What do you want to drink?" He asked in my ear. It was hard to hear over the dubstep music

"I'm not drinking," I replied back.

"What!? No way, I'm getting you a drink, just a tiny one," and before I could oblige, he disappeared into the crowd, and I was left with his group of friends. I sat down and introduced myself to the ones I didn't know, and chit chatted with the ones I did know. Johnny was taking a long time…

"So, you know that Johnny has the hots for you, right?" the acquaintance told me.

"What!? No, I know he doesn't. And besides, I'm gay,"

"I know, but that won't stop him,"

I sat there baffled and spotted Johnny making his way through the crowd holding a tall glass with something yellow in it, and a shot glass, with something green in it.

"Here, don't ask, just drink." He told me, and I was hesitant to put my lips on the rim of the drink before knocking it back. It was a shot, after all

"Euch! Tequila? I though you said you'd bring me a small drink,"

"It was small!"

"Yeah, but it's the most deadly!"

"So what, C'mon, let's dance!" Feeling buzzed already, I bounced my way through the crowd to the even bigger crowd at the dance floor and was actually having a good time watching Johnny drunkenly sway with me. That is, until he grabbed me by the waist, pushed my body up against him and pressed his lips up against mine before slipping his tongue between my teeth. I didn't believe the metrosexual guy at the table when he told me Johnny liked me, but now I know he wasn't lying.

As much as I didn't want to be kissing him, I kissed back, deciding it was easier to go with the flow rather than reject him and most likely pissing him off, or worse, making him sad. He probably won't even remember this anyway.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, giving me the excuse to pull away from the suction of his mouth and pulled it out of my pocket. Sara, the screen read. I knew something was up, Sara never calls me. Especially this late.


	11. Chapter 11

I excused myself and walked down the steps and entered the regular section of the club and walked out the door to call Sara back. It was raining, and I felt bad for the bouncer because he wasn't covered by the awning of protection like the lines of anxious clubbers were.

"Hey Sara, sorry I didn't answer, what's up?" I asked, trying not to seem too concerned and trying to hear over the rain

"Tegan, can you come here please?" I heard the sadness in her voice, and that was enough to have me running home in the pouring rain to her.

By the time I got to her door I just walked in, and rushed my way to the bedroom, where I knew she was.

Surely enough, she was there, in the middle of her bed, holding a pillow with tears streaming down her cheeks. My hair was dripping from the rain, and my clothes were on the verge of dripping too, but Sara didn't seem to mind when she latched onto me as soon as I sat on the bed with her.

I didn't ask why she was so upset until her cries died down a little, I wanted to let her just wallow in the moment, to let it out.

"Did Emy hurt you?" I asked, quietly

She nodded her head in my chest and cried harder.

"What did she do?" I was scared to know the answer

"She's been cheating on me the whole time, with some Kaki chick," My heart panged with a sharp pain. I didn't say anything else but squeezed her tighter around my arms. I fell back so she was ontop of me.

Is this the perfect chance to tell her how I feel about her? I think this is. It's now or never,

"Emy didn't deserve someone like you, and you deserve someone who loves you, Sara."

"I just- I can't-" I didn't want to let her finish, so I cut her off before my courage died down

"Sara?"

"Yeah Tee?"

"Can I be the one to love you? I really do, love you," I feel like I'm dying of nervousness

"I know Tegan. You weren't dreaming," She said, sitting up,

"What?" I asked, mimicking her position

"You weren't dreaming last night, it was real." But she…

"You kissed me back,"

"I know, I love you too, Tegan. How could you not have realized that?"

I was too busy trying to fall out of love with you, that's how. Of course I didn't say that, I just sat there chewing on my lip, looking into her eyes

"Can I kiss you…again?"

She answered by pressing lips up against mine, and for the second time that night, my tongue was dancing with another's. Only this time it was completely sensual, and there was happiness traced within every move. I even smiled during the kiss causing Sara to laugh in my mouth and we broke apart.

"I've been waiting a long, long time to do that." She told me, and I grabbed her in a half hug and laid down with her head resting on my chest.

Sometime that night I fell asleep. We spent the next day lying in bed, never detaching from each other. We were like Velcro, until I had to go to work that night.

"Babe, I got to get ready for work…" I told her, sounding sad, with a tone of nervousness splashed in there

"Why do you sound so nervous?" She asked, I signaled her to follow me and I led the way to my apartment to get ready

"Rouge,"

She made an uneasy face, and walked away quickly, which got me suspicious

"What?" I asked

"Uh okay. So the other night when you thought you were dreaming, I carried you back to your apartment, and when I got in your bedroom, Rouge was there, looking for you."

"What? I don't remember that…"

"That's 'cuz you were passed out."

"Oh my god I probably looked insane to her,"

"_You're _the one that looked insane!? I was the one with the dead looking replica of myself dangling in my arms!"

"I really don't want to go to work now,"

"But you have to! You're going to be late if you don't get your tushie on out of here,"

"Oh, and no more sleeping with your boss, got it?"

"Damn , now I'm going to have to step it up if I want to keep my job,"

"I guess so. Have funnnnnnnn" She teased

I groaned, kissed her goodbye and went to work.

I was hoping Rouge wasn't there, but she was. The club was absolutely packed which meant I had to work my butt off in order to keep up.

I gave a hesitant smile to Rouge before asking the buff customer at the end of the counter what he wanted to drink

I prepared his two beers, making then extra foamy, and slid them off to him. He gave me a tip and I shoved the three dollars in the back of my pocket. I took another order and bent down to grab a new bottle of bourbon to make a mint julep when I felt a hand smack my ass and I let out a surprise shriek and quickly turned around, and was met with Johnny's bright, smiling face.

"Sorry for scaring you," He said, then kissed my cheek. I saw Rouge staring at us from the corner of my eye

"Listen, Johnny, what happened last night was-"

"Awesome!" He finished for me,

"Uh, not exactly. I'm gay Johnny,"

"I know you are but- but you kissed back," now Rouge was listening in, making a weird face. Does she know I can see her?

"I just didn't want you to get upset,"

He looked defeated, then I looked over to the customers and sighed

"When our shift is over, meet me out back, then we'll talk, alright?"

"Okay," He concluded, I nodded my head once and glared at rouge before continuing to make my mint julep.

Three hours later, I was outside, in the alley with Johnny.

"I really, really like you Tegan. And I just really need you to know that,"

I don't know how to reject my good friend. The thought of hurting him made me feel bad, also making my wrist itch. I just want to get home to Sara.

"I'm really sorry Johnny, but I'm really gay. Really, really gay. Can't we just continue being friends?"

"I don't know if I can do that Tegan. How would you feel if you couldn't have the person you love?" Oh I know. Trust me, _I know._ Wait, did he say love?

I sat there baffled. I looked down at my shoes, then back up to Johnny. His eyes were pleading, searching in mine. Then he grabbed me by the face and kissed me, hard, causing me to back up to the brick wall of the alley, right next to the door, with my head up against the bricks. My protests where muffled from his mouth, and I cant push him away from me. Damn my weak arms that are in desperate need of protein. My hands were on his chest, still trying to pry him off of me. Why isn't he backing off? I'm making it obvious that I don't want this. I panicked, my eyes were getting watery, and I don't know what to do anymore.


	12. Chapter 12

The door opened and Rouge popped out, she let out an "Oh!" Of surprise. Did she think we were actually making out? I tried to say something, knowing it would come out muffled again, but this time it sounded like a moan. Shit! I muffled something again and Rouge kept walking before giving us a dirty look. I stomped my foot repeatedly, she finally turned around, I looked at her with wide eyes and waved my hands about, signaling that I want this to stop. She probably took it as if I'm mocking her because she scoffed and started walking faster in the other direction. Why is she doing this to me? Why is Johnny still trying to get me to kiss back?

Tears were streaking down my cheeks, and my instincts finally kicked in. I lifted my knee and connected it to his crotch causing him to cripple over. I quickly slipped out from him and yelled "Asshole!" shakingly, my voice clear that I was crying, and I ran off. I ran around the corner, feeling stupid for crying in public. Why would Rouge just leave me like that? I heard someone yell my name, and I started to run again, thinking it was Johnny. 1 minute later I felt a hand on my shoulder and spun me around.

"Tegan!" It was Rouge

"What the fuck do you want?" I yelled, baffled that she has the audacity to come after me

"I didn't- I didn't realize that you were trying to get him off of you until I rounded the corner. I would of helped but I-"

"Save it, just- save it. I don't need to hear an excuse." I snapped, before walking away.

"Tegan!" She shouted. I didn't turn around, I kept walking. She didn't come after me, thank god.

I took the elevator up to my floor, the whole way up just dying to go to sleep, with Sara next to me. Two doors before Sara's I heard shouting. I picked up my pace and heard Emy shrilling and walked through the door. They didn't stop yelling, they didn't even notice me. They were too busy throwing pillows at each other

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST HEAR MY OUT, SARA? I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE BEING SO STUBBORN!"

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I 'HEAR YOU OUT' ? YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME. I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU'RE ASKING FOR MY FORGIVENESS. DOES KAKI KNOW?"

"…No,"

"She's going to,"

"Sara you tell her and I swear to god I'll-" Emy didn't finish, instead she chucked a pillow at Sara's face

"STOP!" I yelled, they turned and finally noticed I was in the room.

"You have absolutely nothing to do with this Tegan, Just fucking leave,"

"Excuse you! Don't fucking talk to her like that!" Sara fumed; I couldn't help but think how hot she looked defending me

"What, are you going to get emotional?" She mocked, dragging her finger across her wrist, mocking someone cutting themselves.

That's when I lost it. I walked up and slapped Emy across the face, not regretting what I just did. She can't make fun of something like that.

Emy didn't try to hit me back, instead she pounced on me and I fell to the ground. Are we cat fighting? Seriously, this is ridiculous. She scratched my face, and I pushed her off of me, surprisingly. Where did I get that strength?

"Fucking ouch! Seriously!? Are we 13?" I fumed, as Sara helped me up. I felt my cheek and felt something wet and drew my hand back, blood. Really?

"Emy, just leave. Just please fucking leave, alright?"

Emy nodded and slumped out the door. This night is insane. Too much drama, I feel like I'm on a soap opera.

"You alright?" Sara asked me,

"Are _you_ alright?" I asked her back, I mean, she's the one with the phsyco ex girlfriend.

She sighed and took my hand, sat me down on the couch, went the kitchen and grabbed me a paper towel. She paused to wet the paper towel and rung it out before walking it back to me. I put it against my scratch

"fuck, does she have cat nails or something? She got me good,"

"I know, you okay?" No. Of course I didn't tell her that, though.

"I'm fine,"

"Are you sure?"

"Why do you keep asking me if I'm okay? Aren't you upset about Emy?"

"Of course I am, but I'm more upset with what she said to you," She said, gently grabbing my forearm

_What? Are you going to get emotional?_

Those words rung in my ears, it's as if nothing else was in my brain. That, and the events of tonight. Johnny, Rouge. Everything bad that's ever happened is filling up my skull with those horrific events. That's what I do when I get sad; I think of everything bad.

I felt that sting in my chest and soared up to my waterline. I leaned in and rested my head on Sara's chest so she didn't see me cry, even though I know she could hear it. I hadn't realized I was squeezing my wrists until Sara gently took my hand and pulled it away. Without a word she helped me up off the couch and into her bed. I felt her cup me from behind and slip her arms between mine and rest her chin on my shoulder.

"Tell me what's wrong," She quietly asks me

"Tonight's been horrible, Johnny…uhm.." I stopped in my sentence when Sara began sucking on my neck, and snaked her arms up onto my chest. This isn't the time for sex, I'm trying to talk to her, something I rarely do. Doesn't she know that?

"Uh Sara?"

"Hm? Uh, yeah, Johnny what?" She mumbled, kissing her way up to my ear

I pulled away and sat up

I guess she took it for the wrong reason and grabbed my shirt and kissed me. I pulled away instantly

"What are you doing?" She asked, shocked

"Seriously!?" Here I am trying to pour my heart out to you, and you're trying to have sex with me!"

"We can still talk, just later. I really need you I'm-" she didn't finish her sentence, she pulled me back for another kiss instead.

"Really Sara!? I can't believe you-" I slammed the bedroom door behind me, then slammed the front door on my way out. I trusted her with my feelings, and she just slapped me across the face. Not literally, bit internally. I can't process what I'm feeling. I can't go home because Sara will look for me there, well, if she cares enough.


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk outside my apartment I realized how fucked I was. It was freezing, I didn't have a coat, just a thin zip up hoodie, and I had no idea where to go. Oh, and I have a giant slash across my face, so I probably look insane. I walked the 10 minutes to the bright city to see if there was anything to entertain me, I was expecting the streets to be littered with people, but I obviously forgot how late it was. The only people that would be out this time of night were thieves and drug dealers. Great. I shoved my hands in my hoodie pocket and set my sights on the empty gas station to get coffee. I wasn't that big of a fan, but I need something to warm me up. I poured my coffee, put cream and sugar in it and went up to the cashier to pay. The worker was a tall, young, probably in college, boy. I gave him a closed smile and set my coffee on the counter.

"That'll be 1.09, please," he asked, obviously checking me out.

I handed him a 20 dollar bill (that's all I had) and finished with a weak, mouth closed smile.

"So…Do you work in this area or…." He asked

"What?...oh…no, I don't" I was confused, until I got what he meant. He basically just asked me if I was a prostitute. Do even look like a prostitute?

"So how'd you get that scratch?" Why was he being so nosy? Was he bored of his job?

"My cat,"

He raised his eyebrows and twitched his mouth in a way that said 'C'mon, you expect me to believe that?'

"No, really, how'd you get that?"

"Why do want to know so badly?" I asked, trying not to be bitchy

"It's 4 AM on a Thursday night, I'm here all alone and I haven't gotten a customer in hours to entertain me, I'm bored." He did have a point, that would suck.

"Crazy ex-girlfriend,"

"Really!?"

"I know! And the worst part of it is; she wasn't even my ex-girlfriend, she's my twins ex,"

"Woah, woah, woah. Hold up. You're telling me that you're a lesbian, and have a twin sister who is also a lesbian- and you and your lesbian twin sisters lesbian ex-girlfriend got in a fight and that's how you got that scratch?"

I nodded my head. His eyes widened and he was holding his head like he just found out either really good news, or really bad news.

"…That is so fucking hot, oh my god. That's like every guys fantasy! Was there mud? Tell me about it,"

Is this guy serious? Ah what the hell; I have nothing else to do

I leaned in on the counter and smiled before I started my story, over exaggerating and completely bluffing throughout the whole thing just to make it seem more 'hot'. It was totally made up, but he bought every word. By the time I was finished with my story, we were both sitting in chairs behind the counter with a bottle of beer in our hands.

"I have absolutely no words to describe how deliciously amazing that story was, being a lesbian must be awesome!"

"You know I accidentally hooked up with one at a party once, I got slapped in the face. She was real feisty; I even had a hand mark on my cheek the next day,"

We talked about other things, and I gave him a lot of advice on parties and told him about my many lady escapades, and he seemed to worship me in a sense, like I was some all mighty party god.

My eyes glanced over to the digital clock next to the cash register, it was past 5 AM. I know I'm exhausted to the point of hyperness, and that I should leave. I gave Noah my number and told him to call me so I could give him a VIP pass to 'my' club whenever he felt up to it, and he gave me free starbursts and a praise of thank you's and handshakes.

The walk home was creepy. Since it was fall, nearing winter in Canada, the sun doesn't rise until later in the morning, so it was still pitch black out. You'd figure there'd be cars on the roads filled with people who had to go to work, but there wasn't. I felt as if I was in a ghost town. The cold wind shook throughout my entire body, and went through my jacket and my teeth began to chatter. A block away from the apartment complex I heard a loud fumble and barking, as if a bunch of garbage cans were knocked over, and I freaked out and ran the rest of the way home.

I walked into my apartment, with barely enough energy to take off my shoes. I smelt Sara's scent, and a shock of fear engulfed me. What if she's here? I cautiously searched my apartment, tired to the point that if I laid down on the floor right now, I'd fall asleep in seconds. I didn't find Sara, but I did find my bed, where I fell asleep instantly, not even bothering to take off my jacket and jeans


	14. Chapter 14

SARA POV

What the fuck did I just do? I let my hormones get in the way of what really mattered. She just looked so good in her tight skinny jeans, with her hair a tattered and such. She was a hot mess, and I let that hot mess leave with anger pouring out of her. _I _made her unhappy, and _I _need to fix this. I got up and went into her apartment and searched after her, but she wasn't there. I tried calling her repeatedly; but her phone was off. I sat on her bed in defeat and laid back with a sigh. I inhaled her scent from her pillow; her fruity shampoo, and I thought of her lying next to me, sleeping with her chest rising slowly up and down, hands up by her head, and if she's drunk enough, the slightest sound of a snore escaping her lips. I've only had her where I wanted her for a day, and I've already fucked up our relationship. She was about to expose her feelings to me, something I've set my whole life in trying to do, and I just _had _to let my hormones get in the way. I'm such an idiot.

I self-pitied myself out of her apartment and back into my bed, and slept until I had to get ready and went to work. I did try opening Tegan's door before I left in the morning, but it was locked.

TEGAN POV

I woke up pretty early, and pretty sad, why can't I sleep? I also felt stiff from sleeping in jeans, especially ones as tight as these, but I didn't feel the need to use my razor. Okay, that was a lie, or so I found out an hour after I woke. I spent my day in my underwear. I don't need pants today; it's a no-pants-needed kind of day. I would opt for not wearing a shirt, but it's too cold for that. Plus, I haven't done laundry in weeks and I'm wearing the same shirt I wore two days ago. I went to take a shower, and to my surprise, no clean towels. I took a shower anyway, using a used towel to dry off. I didn't bother blow drying my hair. I have this thing, that when I'm lounging around the house, I always have to have socks on, or else I can't relax. I went in my sock drawer while toweling off my hair, it was empty. Oh hell no. Okay this is it; I'm going to do laundry. I found all my socks and other dirty clothes and put them in my laundry basket, put on pants (unfortunately) and walked to the apartment laundry room, making sure to lock my door first. I hated going here, there was always someone in here and they always made me feel uncomfortable, especially this late at night.

SARA POV

The whole day at work, all I could think about was how I hurt Tegan, and when I got home, I knocked on her door. She didn't answer, and it was locked, but I had a key. I opened her door and went inside, it was actually clean!

"Tegan?" I shouted, then searched the whole apartment. She wasn't there. God Dammit! I left her apartment, locked it on my way out figured she was at work, so I drove there. She can't run away when she's working. I'm getting tired of chasing after her. I parked on the side of the street, and I was beginning to walk up to the bouncer at the front of the line to convince him to let me in, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Tegan!?

Incoming call from: Emy Storey

Shit

"Emy, don't call me anymore, I don't need any more drama that you've been producing" I spit out, out of breath and hung up. I heard her try and say something but I hung up anyways.

I walked up to the bouncer, no idea what I was going to say to get in.

"Tegan! Get a new haircut? Looks good! Different, but good!" This guy thinks I'm Tegan. Awesome!

"Yeah, I decided I'd change things up a bit. But I gotta get working, let me through?" I asked, somehow mimicking Tegan's body language

"Why don't you just get in through the back door? Like you usually do…it'll be hard to weave your wway through the crowd."

"Oh…yeah, the back door, haha. See you later!" I almost blew it. Shit. Now how do I get in the back door? I walked around back and walked through the narrow, alley. It was kind of creepy, and the metal door stood tall and seemed heavy. I hoped to God it was open, if not, I'd be screwed. I pulled on the door's handle and walla, it opened! I was in what looked like the storage hallway that had other hallways that lead to unknown places. I walked down the hallway towards the now getting louder music. I swung the door open and I was automatically behind the bar, with the other bar tenders. All I recognized was Rouge, but there were two other men working with her. Shit, where was Tegan? God, I feel so stupid. Before I had the chance to turn around, Rouge saw me and caught my eye.

"…Sara, right?"

"…Yeah…Uh sorry about coming back here, I was just looking for Tegan, is she here?"

"No…You can't find her either? Shit…."

What? Why is she freaking out?

"Johnny, c'mere" She signaled one of the other workers over. He looked at me funny

"Have you seen Tegan? Her sister can't find her," She asked

"No, not since…" He trailed off, also wearing a worry full expression. Why is everyone freaking out? What the hell happened?

"Not since what?" I asked, getting tired of all this beating around the bush. Tell me what the fuck happened!

"I didn't know what I was doing…I just was hoping she'd realized that she wants me too, I never meant to force her or anything."

"Force her to what? What the hell happened?"

They both looked at each other, and Johnny looked back at me before continuing his story

"Well, last night, I kind of kissed Tegan, and when she tried to pull away, I wouldn't let her and just kept kissing her. I wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm really sorry; I never meant to hurt her,"

"And she's really pissed at me, because I walked in on them and I thought she was kissing back, cause they really did look they were all over each other but I just walked away, I thought she was trying to get back at me for our fight. "

That's what Tegan was trying to tell me…As if things couldn't get any worse on my part. I sat there staring at them with my mouth wide open like an idiot. Tegan had a horrible night last night, with them, Emy, and then me. We all fucked it up.

"I'm really sorry," Johnny added. Sorry is not going to cut it this time

I waved my hand off to silence them, and I walked out of the club. I drove home, and decided I'd just stay in Tegans apartment until she gets back. I walked back into her apartment, and decided I'd just wait here until she gets back. I haven't eaten all day, so I looked around in her fridge. There was absolutely nothing, save for rotten grapes and a box of baking soda. Seriously? What does she survive off of? I turned around and my eye caught various liquors sitting in the corner of her countertop. I picked up the most fruity one; Raspberry vodka. Alright, this could work. Does she have anything to mix with it? I looked around for pop or anything I could mix with it, but she doesn't have anything. I guess it's just me and plain 'ol vodka. Alright. I haven't drunken any type of alcohol, and drinking it plain made it harder to handle. I did manage to knock back 5 shots, one more and I was done, I can't handle anymore. I stumbled into her naked bed. Where did all her sheets and blankets go? Oh well, the alcohol is warming me up enough. At least I have pillows, well, without their cases.

TEGAN POV.

In the grungy laundry room, I was alone, surpiringly. I separated my colours and put my first load in. I had 3 more loads to do; including my bed sheets, this was going to take awhile. Good thing I brought my book. I sat in one of the chairs and read, until I heard the timer go off on the washer, then I threw those clothes in the dryer and put another load in. By the time all my laundry was washed, dried, and folded somewhat; I've been in the laundry room for 2 hours. I stopped at my apartment and barely stepped inside; I just left my laundry basket by the front door and left, I felt sick, which meant I needed something in my stomach. I walked back to that gas station to buy some muscle milk, because it's full of protein and stuff to keep me alive, I guess. Noah wasn't working, though. On the way home I drank all of my milk and sighed when I stepped into my apartment. I picked up my laundry basket that had all my bed sheets and blankets and left the clothes one for later. I stopped in my tracks when I noticed a bottle of vodka and a shot glass left out on my counter. What?

"Sara?" my voice echoed throughout the apartment and I felt my stomach twitch. Is Johnny here? No, why would he be? Rouge?

I held the basket more firmly and cautiously walked to my bedroom, my door was cracked and the light was seeping through. When I opened it, it made a creaking noise. My focal point was the bed, and there Sara was, sprawled out in the middle clutching my pillow, sleeping. She still had her shoes on. I dumped the basket full of my blankets and sheets next to Sara, when I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. It was Shaun.

"Hey Shaun, what's up?" I asked, in a quiet voice

"Hey Tee, just calling to see if everything's okay, uh, I heard what went on with Johnny. I'm really sorry about that. Are you alright?"

"Don't be sorry, you had nothing to do it with it. But I'm fine, don't worry."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure"

"Alright, well I have to get back to my shift. I'll talk to you later, oh! Everyone is looking fro you, Johnny and Rouge are freaking out, I hope you know."

"Good, let them freak out more,"

"Haha, alright, byeee!"

"Bye,"

I love Shaun, he's like my older brother that protects me. A few years ago, we were walking around downtown and we got mugged, and he blocked a punch that was meant for me. I still got pushed to the ground, tackled, and lost 30 bucks, though.

I walked to the bedroom and sighed, as I looked at Sara, who was now buried in the blankets and sheets. As much as I wanted to join her, and have her hold me, I knew I just can't let her off the hook. I grabbed one of the blankets cautiously, but didn't grab a pillow. I didn't want to risk waking her up, and if I pried it out of her arms, she definitely would. I turned off the light over my bar and the light in the kitchen, and laid down on my couch, using one of the tiny couch pillows as my pillow. After laying on my couch for ten minutes, I concluded that the floor would be much comfier. I rolled off the couch, and dragged my blanket and pillow with me, there was just enough space for me between the couch and the coffee table. I forgot to take off my pants, so I slipped them off and threw then in a random place. I hate sleeping with any kind of pants on. I only like underwear. The floor was just as bad as the couch, but I was too tired to care. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was the sound of my phone buzzing in the pant pocket that was across the room.


	15. Chapter 15

SARA POV

I woke up in a panic. Where the hell was I? I was covered in bunch of soft, fabric. Sheets? I lifted myself up and leaned on my hands and looked around, I was in Tegans bed, in her room. As I got up from the bed and stood up, I felt stale. Why did I sleep with my shoes on? Where's Tegan?

Silence, was all I could hear as I walked out of the bedroom, and into her kitchen/ living room area. Tegan isn't here, is she? I stood there, my mind fuzzy. Sadness planted itself in my everything. I still can't find Tegan. I failed. Where the hell could she be? Where could she go? Did she get kidnapped by some drug infested sex craving predators that lurk in the alleys of this town?

My ears perked up when I heard the faint sound of inhaling, then a long exhale. My head shot in the direction of where the sound came from. First, I saw a socked foot connected to a bare ankle that stuck out from a blanket. I cautiously walked over to see who the ankle was connected to. Relief swept over me, and I found myself getting lightheaded with joy when I saw Tegan's sleeping form. Why was she on the floor? She doesn't even have a pillow underneath her head. I wanted to hug her and kiss every part of her and snuggle my cheek with hers and just bask in the glory that she is. She's here, and she's safe. I need to be with her right now, I need her. My hands gripped the edge of the table and scooted it over, the legs dragged across the large rug far enough to fit another body next to hers. I let out a sniffled sob with a smile when I laid down next to her, pulling some of the blanket over me, feeling the warmth of her body next to mine. I rolled halfway ontop of her so I could snuggle my face against hers, my tears spilling against her cheek. I could smell the sweetness of her skin; I felt her chest rise quickly against mine. Her eyes fluttered open and I kissed the scratch on her cheek, and that's when I felt her arm squeeze my back, then rolled over to her side, so she could connect her forehead with mine. She scooted her body closer to mine, every part of her body was connected with mine. Her legs intertwined with mine, hips locked together, stomachs, chest-all connected. I let out another smiling sob, and she kissed my tears that were falling from my cheek. The tip of her nose mushed against mine when she kissed my lips. I tasted tears on hers, and pulled back to search her brown, lifeless eyes. Where has their light gone? She didn't keep eye contact for too long before she buried her face in me, her eyes on my shoulder. The water leaking from her eyes was soaking into my shoulder, and I could feel her stomach bounce against mine as she let out hiccupping, tiny cries. Ratchet pain radiated off of her and onto me. Was I feeling what she was feeling? Without a warning she pulled away and brought her hands to her face, and rubbed it with a disturbed look on her face.

TEGAN POV

My face was too close to hers, fever surged my head, so I buried my face into her shoulder. After a minute or two, I couldn't breathe; I was suffocating. I pulled away, smothering my face with my hands, hoping to rub off the imaginary plastic wrap covering my face. When I managed to rip it off, I was met with Sara's worried face.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded, and watched as her face returned to normal, she smiled at me and got up. Where did she go? A few minutes later, I heard the shower hissing.

I struggled to get up from the floor; my back, neck and shoulders were killing me. My limbs made a cracking nose when I finally stood up. I felt shots of pain in my joints and wanted to cry out in misery. I know what I need; Tea. Not just any kind of tea, my special tea; samurai chai mate. With my favourite mug in my hand, filled with my favourite steaming hot tea, I sit on top of my counter top, in the corner, sitting Indian style with my head resting against the cupboard with my eyes closed, slowly breathing in and out. My kitchen is my favourite part of my apartment. I don't use it for cooking, eating, or any other things that people normally use them for. There's just something about it that is comforting in a way. I always come here for release. I felt my mind drift out, the steam of the tea inside my cup radiating up to my face is the only thing keeping me awake.

"…What are you doing?" I heard a familiar voice ask. My eyes hesitated to open, but when they did, I saw Sara standing hesitantly in front of me, looking at me as if I'm an alien

"Drinking Tea," She shifted her weight onto her other foot

"On the countertop?"

"Mhm" I responded, leaning my head back and closing my eyes again

"Are you alright Tegan?" Why does she keep talking to me? Can't she see I'm trying to continue my meditating?

"Mhm," too lazy to respond truthfully

"Get down from there please, I want to talk to you,"

"I don't want to move,"

"Why not?"

"Sleeping on the floor murdered my back,"

"I can fix that," She told me, then grabbed the cup out of my hand, placed it beside me on the counter and pulled me off the countertop. She guided me to the bed and told me to lie down. What is she doing?

"On your stomach," She corrected me.

Flipping over onto my stomach, I was still confused "Sara, what are we doing? I'm not in the mood for-"

"We're not having sex. Just close your eyes, and relax."

I huffed, but did what she asked me too; I closed my eyes

A second later, I felt her hands rubbing circles around my shoulder blades, back, and neck. A few minutes in, she asked if I could take off my shirt. I knew it would feel much better, so I did, although I did feel weird being in my bra and underwear. This was bliss; my only focus was her hands, melting away all the pain from sleeping on the floor.

"I never meant to hurt you, Tee." She informed me, fingers massaging on a particular knot. I felt it pop and I flinched

She noticed, and apologized "Sorry,"

"I'm sorry I over reacted. I just had a horrible week."

"Tell me about it,"

I told her everything that happened. I know she was listening to me, really, really listened to me. I know she absorbed every word I told her. I flipped over onto my back and kissed her as a thank you. She looked beautiful, smiling above me, in the candle like glow of my lamp. I moved my hands up and rested them on each side of my head. She trailed her fingers up my forearm and stopped at my bracelets. I knew she wanted to take them off, because she looked at me with pleading eyes. I bit my lip and hesitantly nodded my head. She slipped them off carefully. I felt the fabric scratch against the scabs. She kissed them, and then connected her hands with mine. She pulled back and I closed my eyes when I saw her face leaning towards mine as I prepared for a kiss. Slowly, our twirling tongues danced a sweet rhythm. I felt one of her hands release out of my grip, and move down to the side of my thigh, lifting it up so my foot was holding it up. She maneuvered herself so she was sitting on my thigh. I started to slowly drag my foot up and down, causing my thigh to rub her through her jeans. She moans out in pleasure. And she said that we weren't going to have sex, boy, she was wrong.


	16. Chapter 16

SARA POV

Our clothes were strewn across the floor, and I was still straddling her, just waiting for her to make the first move.

"Move up," She told me. Confused, I moved up, so I was sitting on her stomach.

"Closer,"

"What?" I'm so confused

She grabbed my waist and pushed me up, I helped her lift me

"You're okay, don't worry," She assured me, as she bit her lip. I was sitting on her face now. Now I see her intention.

"Ohhhh god," I moaned, I've never been in this position before, I feel so intimate, and close to her. My arm stretched out to lean on the bed, for more support, and my other stretched behind me, toying with her clit. I could tell I was already close, I looked down at Tegan, who sensed I was looking at her and she look up at me with hungry eyes, then I felt the sensation of her tongue slipping its way in between my folds. I tilted my head back, trembling against her face. From the swirls of her tongue and her nose bobbing against my clit, I rode out my orgasm. She scooted me off of her and dove between my legs again to lap up my juices. I felt the overwhelming need to thank her for this, for some odd reason. I mean, she's the one her created this mess, now she's being polite and cleaning it up.

TEGAN POV

Sitting on my countertop, once again, I am drinking my unfinished Tea. Sara too, was sitting on the countertop across from me, smiling as she sipped from her mug. I smiled back at her, and was about to say something when my cell phone rang. I didn't bother picking it up. Instead, I walked over to Sara's end of the counter as kissed her. My home phone rang a few seconds later, but I ignored that as well and continued making out with Sara.

*Beep* the message machine signaled the incoming message

"Uh Hey Tegan….Its Rouge,"

I froze in my tracks, as did Sara. How did she get my home phone number?

"You've been M. I. A since the other night and I haven't gotten the chance to apologize to you. Why haven't you been answering your phone? I'm so super sorry for what happened with us in your bedroom and then what happened in the alley. I just miss you so much, I really want to see you again. And maybe, if you give me another chance things might work out between us and- *beep* The machine time span cut her off

My eyes went wide with fear. I looked over expecting to see Sara fuming with anger. Instead, she looked calm

"Sucks for that bitch. Tell her you're mine,"

"Sara Quin! Did that just come out of your mouth?"

"Mhhm, Yes, it did. But do you know what I want _in _my mouth?"

"No, please, show me,"

…..

I braced myself as I walked in through the back door of the club. I really didn't want to work tonight, but I don't want to lose my job. I'm wishing Rouge isn't here, I'm not ready to talk to her, or Johnny, for that matter.

When I got behind the bar, one of my wishes came true. Rouge wasn't here. Johnny was, though, along with Shaun. Shaun saw me first and waved, I waved back and took someone's order

"What can I get for ya?" I asked the young man in my sexy voice, leaning on the counter; this is how I get such good tips.

"4 shots of vodka please," I nodded my head and bent down to grab a tray for the drinks, 4 shot glasses, and the vodka of course.

As I poured the drinks I looked up at the customer biting my lip. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Johnny walk up to me and start to say something, but I raised my hand to stop him.

"Not now Johnny, I don't need your shit right now" He got my point, and walked away

I knew the customer heard me, but I gave him a reassuring smile. I slid the tray to him, he paid me the money and an extra 7 for a tip. _Nice,_

I put the money in the cash register, and shoved the 7 in my back pocket.

"You're going to have to talk to me sooner or later, you know" I heard Johnny say

"I choose later,"

"All I want to do is apologize! I really, really-"

"Johnny! She said later, now leave her alone and get back to work," Shaun told him,

I gave Shaun a 'thank you' face, he smiled back at me but it cascaded into a frown. He grabbed my chin and tilted it so he could see my cheek

"What's this from?" He directed towards the scratch on my cheek. It's barely noticeable, but somehow Shaun managed to.

"Emy," Shaun's the only one who knows stuff about me. He knows about Sara, and Emy, so I know he knows who I'm talking about.

"Jesus, Tegan. You need to get outta here and take a vacation from everyone. I hate seeing you torn apart like this."

"It's just a scratch, no big deal." I told him. I turned around and got back to work

After my shift, Rachel called me out back.

I knew what she wanted, and I had to think of a way to reject her.

"Rach, I can't do this right now, I gotta get back home"

"Oh come on, don't you miss this?" She breathed out, cupping my crotch and sucking my neck, I whined out, accidently. Pulling her away was hard, I was already super horny.

"I really gotta go," I told her, then started to walk towards my car

"You owe me!" I heard her shout.

I sped home, my ovaries ready to explode. I need Sara,


	17. Chapter 17

SARA POV

I'm refusing to sleep until Tegan gets home, but I'm getting bored of just sitting here watching TV. I went to her kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. I heard the door knob jingle and I turned around to see it fly open. Tegan looked at me fiercely and immediately ran up to me and jumped up and I caught her, thankfully. She attacked me with kisses and I found my core growing with heat and kissed back, matching her roughness. I could already tell this sex was going to be explosive. The biting, the scratching, and the 'unfs' and 'ohhhhhhs' going on were infinite, I felt like we were in a porno.

I looked over at her, and my heart stopped for a second. She looked absolutely beautiful in her after glow. She was literally and metaphorically glowing. Literally because the lamp behind her head was making it seem as if her head had a ray of light behind it. Her chest rose up and down, and I found myself staring at it, wanting to see what was underneath her bra, but we didn't even have enough time to take it off. Darn. I focused my attention back up to her face, and found that she was biting her lip, and I knew she was watching me as I looked at her chest, which was still rising up and down. She giggled and rolled herself on top of me again. The first thing I did was taking off her bra, and then I allowed things to escalate.

I didn't want to get up, but I have to go to work, and go to that stupid convention that my boss is making me go to. Did I pack? Yes, I did, wait, did I? Okay I remember, I did. I threw my arm on the other side of the bed, expecting to feel Tegan's warm body, but all I felt was air, and her sheet. What? Where is she? I'm sick of looking for her. I check my phone for the time, 6:27. 30 minutes before I usually get up for work. I saw I had a missed call from Emy, and a text from her. I deleted the message before I even read it. I walked out of Tegans room to see if she was in the living room, or in the kitchen, but she was in neither. Why isn't she here? Why is she even up this early, is the real question. I was going to look for her some more, but I have to use the bathroom first before I explode. I got into the bathroom and jumped back, not expecting to see Tegan in here. She was in the bathtub full of bubbles, acting as a shield to her body, with her head tilted back, eyes closed. Was she sleeping?

"Tegan?" He name echoed, and she slowly opened her eyes, she flinched when she looked over and saw me, causing the water to make a splashing noise

"Jesus, you scared me. Way to knock,"

"What the hell are you doing having a bubble bath at 7 o'clock in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Didn't look that way" I teased her

She playfully flicked a bubble at me

"I remember the last time I had a bubble bath, I was 5," I teased her again, bending down and picking up some of the bubbles and blew some at her face.

"pppfffttttt!" She blew the bubbles out of her face and I giggled, then I felt that sting in my bladder again

"I have to pee, really, really badly."

"Then go pee," She said simply

"I'm not peeing in front of you"

"Why not?"

"I just can't with you here,"

"Well I'm not leaving," she smirked, then perched her leg up on her knee, blowing more bubbles from her hand. Well _fuck. _I don't want to go to work now.

"I don't want you to leave, just sit there and look pretty. I'll be right back."

"Are you seriously going all the way to your apartment just to pee?"

"Yes, I am, and to grab my work clothes and suitcase,"

I caught her rolling her eyes before I left. I went home, peed, grabbed some work clothes and walked back to Tegan's.

"Saaaaaraaaaaaaa!" she yelled out. Is she still in the tub?

"I'm coming!"

I walked in the bathroom and asked her what she wanted. She wiggled her finger, signaling for me to come closer, I did, and she kissed me. She grabbed my waist and pulled me into the tub with her, spilling water out of the tub and I squealed.

"Tegan!"

"What?" she smirked, playing dumb. She grabbed my bum, causing me to slide against her body. I could feel her nakedness through my flimsy pajama shorts, and kissed me. As much as I should be mad at her for this, I'm not. I should be getting ready for work; but I'd _much_ rather be making out while straddling my twin.

She pushed me back and peeled off my soaking shirt, and attempted to take off my shorts, but was having trouble. We finally pried them off, and once again, she grabbed my bum, but started grinding against me. I grabbed her shoulders to help aid our gyrating. With each strong thrust, water splashed out of the tub, the water swaying rousingly about, smacking against the tile wall and floor. The slimy sensation of our bodies sliding against each other was enough to get me going. From our clits rubbing against each other I could tell Tegan was so close, as was I. She gripped each side of the tub, tilted her head back with a silent open mouth scream, the muscles on her neck bulging out, only whimpers came out of her mouth. I came right after she did.

"Holy shit…" she breathed out.

"I know, oh my god,"

"That was…"

"It was just…" She couldn't find a word

"Can we do this again?" I asked, knowing she wouldn't oblige

"Every day." I giggled, knowing Tegan is seriously considering doing this every day


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated so often as I usually do, I had no idea where to go with this story, so i'm dropping this femotion bomb on y'all. I hope it's not too much! **

TEGAN POV

Sara left me to clean up this mess to go to some overnight convention. It looks like the ocean just swept through here. I pulled on a white tanktop and underwear then grabbed a bunch of towels and pushed them around with my feet. There's so much fucking water! Goddamn, I don't even think I'm going to be able to soak up all this water. I smirked, as I had a flashback of the water sloshing out of the tub, the sound of our bodies smacking against each other and the sounds of Sara's moans colliding with mine.

I gave up, and collapsed on my couch. I fell asleep, and woke up, exhausted. I instantly knew something was off. There was just an eerie feeling in my apartment. The glow of the TV was the only light, and it didn't provide much. I turned off the TV. Wait, where's that other light coming from? I got up from the couch and walked over to my kitchen, but froze in my tracks. My front door was wide open, for anyone to just walk right in and take all my stuff or even kidnap me. I peeped my head out to the hallway of the apartment building. Looked left; nothing. Looked right; just an empty hallway. I closed the door, and went back to the kitchen to grab some water; I didn't even bother to turn on any lights. I looked at the clock above my stove while I waited for the tap water to fill up my cup. It was exactly 3:00 AM. I frantically drank my water, finally realizing how thirsty I was. I chugged, feeling weak but desperate for more water. I heard a thump, and I dropped the cup from my hands, the glass and water crashed against the ground. Holy shit, someone's in my apartment! Fear was all I could feel. I have absolutely no idea what to do; but I slowly opened a drawer and pulled out a knife. I really wasn't planning on using it; I'm just hoping it will scare whoever the hell is in my apartment off.

I tried to step around the glass and slowly walked to the hallway that leads to my bedroom. I didn't even have the chance to get to the door when it burst open, I held back a scream and ran towards my family room

"Tegan! You're finally fucking up!" I turned around, and there Johnny was.

I dropped my knife and stomped my foot on the ground.

"Johnny!? What the fuck are you doing in my apartment!?"

"I miss you," He slurred. I know for a fact he is drunk as hell. Or on some type of drug

"I don't care, just fucking leave, alright?"

"Wooooaahhhh, don't get your panties in a bunch," I can barely understand him, but when he started stumbling towards me, I walked backwards with each drunken step he walked he got closer to me.

"Johnny stay there," I told him. I'm going to have to walk in the kitchen in a second, and there is glass every where and I don't want to step on it.

"Don't you miss me, Tee-tee?" I'm ready to start crying right now, the look in his eyes is psychotic. This isn't Johnny.

"Johnny, please. Just go back home and go to bed." I tried persuading him. Where's a phone? I need to call 9-11

"Come with me," he stated. Why was he whispering?

"No." He stopped in his tracks right as my feet hit the linoleum of my kitchen floor.

"Why not? Don't you love me?"

"No, I don't."

"Oh, that's right. You love someone else." What? Where is he going with this?

"Johnny what-"

"Your sister! You're fucking your own godamn sister!" He was shouting now, I stood frozen as he continued yelling at me and walking closer.

"How disgusting is that? Your own twin for god's sakes." He was in the kitchen with me now, but we were still safe from glass. But one more step back and glass will be implanted in my foot.

"You're fucking sick, you know that? How could you fucking live with yourself?" his face was in front of mine, I could smell his breath reeking onto me

"Why are you doing this Johnny!?" I yelled back, pushing him away from me. Big mistake. He pushed me back, my feet skid against the glass and I fell to the floor. I cried out in pain, feeling the sting of glass jutted in random places of my body.

"Fuck," I muttered, trying to pry the bits of glass out of my hand. I looked up and Johnny was falling towards me.

He landed on top of me, and once again I screamed. His hands held my throat to get me to stop screaming. His grip didn't loosen, but instead tightened. I flailed my legs everywhere and grabbed his wrists to try to pull them away, but he just kept on squeezing. My vision blurry, and a million thoughts racing in my mind. This is it; I'm going to die here.

I felt my body tingle, some sort of reaction to get me breathing again. But Johnny won't let me. I sputtered, my head felt like a balloon. I was slipping away, my vision going in and out. I heard the door creak open but that was it. Everything went black.


	19. Chapter 19

SARA POV

My boss and I drove the five hours to the city of the convention, all to be sent back. The convention was cancelled, due to a water main break in that particular area of the city. In a way I was kind of glad; I really wasn't feeling up to sit and listen to a bunch of lectures on how to do my job better.

I pushed my suitcase full of documents and overnight clothes into the elevator. I checked my clock on my phone, it was a little after 3 AM. As mad as I was that I drove 5 hours there, and 5 hours back and wasted all that time; I'm glad because Evan (my boss) gave all of us Monday off.

I wheeled my suitcase down the hallway of Tegan and I's floor. I can't wait to slip into her bed, and cuddle up to her sleeping form. I used the key to open her door, but it was already unlocked, odd.

I immediately turned on the light and set my suitcase to the side with a sigh.

"Oh god," _klink _then there was scraping noises.

Shit. Who said that? That was definitely not Tegan.

"Hello?" I called out. I didn't dare to move, afraid of what might happen if I do

"Oh god oh god oh god FUCK!" The manly voice screamed, what's going on?

I walked to the kitchen and let out blood curdling scream. Glass was everywhere, and there Tegan was, limped in the corner with her arms sprawled out. If she had an apple next to her hand, she'd look exactly like snow white. A man whom I recognize was kneeling next to her, shaking her.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?" I screamed. This can't be happening. I was already hysterically crying

"I- didn't mean to- I didn't want to hurt her I swear!" Oh God. Tegan's dead. nononononono

"You did this to her? You- you-" I tried to walk up to her to see if she was breathing, but he stood up and guarded her.

"Don't move." He ordered

"What the fuck? Move out of the fucking way Johnny,"

He held his stance more firm "You can't tell anyone"

I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed 9 11, but before I could press send the phone was whipped out of my hand, and thrown across the room. I went to run after it but he grabbed my shirt, and pushed me down onto the floor.

"HELP! HELP ME –HELMMM" I screamed, but Johnny cupped his hand over my mouth and nose, I tried wiggling beneath him but he was too strong, all I wanted to do was get to Tegan. All I _need _to do.

"I don't want to hurt you! Just be quiet! Please!" He pleaded, but I still screamed and squirmed

His hand covered both my mouth and the nostrils on my nose, making it so I can't breathe. I managed to somehow flip myself over and started to stand up to run to Tegan, but fell back down, due to a sting in my ankle. Fuck! Did I sprain it? I was now crawling to Tegan. So close! Ow, fucking glass everywhere. I'm almost there.

I felt his hand grab my foot, and he began dragging me away from her. He dragged me out of the kitchen.

"TEGAN! NOOOOO!" I reached a hand out to her, and then dragged my fingernails across her floor, in hopes that it would stop him. The only thing it did was cause scratches against her hardwood floor.

He dragged me to her bedroom, and pulled me up by my shirt, and slammed me against the door, holding my mouth.

"Shhhhhhhhhh! Just be quiet okay? I don't want to hurt you, but you're making it so hard!"

My heart was beating a mile a minute, my chest was erratically pumping. I was wheezing against his hand. My asthma was acting up. I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I can't handle all of this. I collapsed on the ground. The last thing I could remember was the sensation of my head colliding with the floor.

EMY POV

I sat in Sara's apartment, using the key she gave me awhile back to get it. I was waiting on her couch, watching TV, for her to come home, all while trying not to fall asleep. I've been here all night, I want to apologize to her for everything, that's why I'm here. I heard a mans voice shouting. It really sounded like it was coming from Tegan's apartment, but I know it can't be. Why would Tegan have a man in her apartment? A few minutes later, I heard screaming, but then they just stopped. Weird, maybe it's just a ill tempered child a few doors down.

I shut off the TV, and picked up the book that was on the table in front of me, and read the first page.

"…FUCK!" I jumped in my seat, what the hell? Then a loud, high pitch scream that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?" I heard right after. That was Sara's voice.

I rushed to Sara's bedroom, putting my ear up against the wall that was on the other side of Tegans.

There was more yelling, but all I could hear were murmurs. A sickly sounding thump was the next thing I heard.

"HELP ME HE-" I held my breath and was now freaking out. I ran back to the living room to grab my phone and immediately called 9 11 and went back to holding my ear up against the wall after I was done with the call.

"TEGAN! NOOO!" I immediately heard. Alright, I'm going there. Even if the 911 operator told me to stay away.

I ran to the apartment. I swung the door open and a man ran passed me and darted to the end of the hall. What? I didn't care about him at this point; I needed to see if everyone is okay. My eyes frantically searched her living room, and when I turned around, I froze. My body went dumb, my brain went numb. _Tegan_

"Nononononono!" I screamed

I ran to her, and fell to my knees, not caring about the glass. My first instinct was to check her pulse on her neck, which had red long marks on them. _Hand marks, _I noted. She was strangled? She has a pulse, but faint. I hovered my hand over her nostrils to see if air was blowing out of them, but there wasn't. _oh god_.

I don't know what to do; I scanned her whole body to search for any other wounds. _Why is she in her underwear?_ I saw blood seeping from her hand, and bits of glass in them. Where are the police? Why aren't they here?

My mind was too focused on everything else, and then I remembered, Sara. Where is she? I had a feeling she was in the bedroom, so I went there. I noticed the scratch marks on the floor of the hallway, and imagined them as Sara's. They also had a hint of blood trailing with the scratches. _From the glass? _The door was already opened, and I saw legs sprawled on the floor. Sara was unconscious, but she didn't look dead, she still has color in her. _Unlike Tegan._

She has a strong pulse, and she's breathing. I grabbed her face, and patted her cheeks.

"Sara? C'mon Sara, wake up. Wake up!" my attempts were successful, I watched as she sucked in air.

I heard a bunch of footsteps and then "Police is here! Hello?"

"In here!" I shouted. Sara was back to the world of unconsciousness already.

A bunch of policeman, and a paramedic came through the door, and shooed me away from Sara. I look like a manic with my ugly crying face going on, but I could care less. I got out of their way, and went to check on Tegan. A crowd of paramedics were surrounding her. I maneuvered my way so I could see her from this far away. One of the men was performing CPR on her. What happened to her pulse? I saw one of the paramedics rubbing two paddles together, heard the sharp high pitched noise then I let out another wail and they shouted "Clear!" and I watched as her body jolted up. This was sickening.

The paramedic rubbed the two paddles together again and was about to bring them up to her chest when

"Hold it!" then silence

"We've got a pulse, let's get her on the stretcher and get going STAT! We don't have much time!" don't have much time? What?

Two of the men picked Tegan up, one held her head and neck firmly, and the last one held her legs and torso, making sure to pick her up in a way that if anything was broken, they could support it.

One of the police men I first saw walked out from the hallway, then one of the paramedics behind him, Sara draped in his arms.

"Is she alright? What's wrong with her?" I jumped up and stopped him in the hallway outside. Neighbors were standing outside their door way in pajamas, and robes. Oh, so now they come.

"Ma'm I can't give out any information unless you're an immediate family member."

"What? Can you just-please, sir. I need to know if she'll be okay."

"Pardon me, miss. I have some questions if you don't mind." A police woman, tall, and blonde asked me.

"Can I get to the hospital with them, first?" She signaled for another officer to come over, and I turned around and watched the EMT's push the stretcher in the elevator, and then squeeze Sara through.

The woman whispered something in the other officers ear. Then turned back to me

"We'll give you a ride to the hospital, but I'm going to be asking some questions on the way. Is that alright?" I nodded my head


	20. Chapter 20

I'm sitting in the backseat of a cop car, and listening to the questions she's giving me.

"First off, what are the victims' names?" I cringed when she referenced Sara and Tegan and 'victims'

"Sara Quin, and Tegan Quin."

"Sisters?"

"Twins,"

"What happened when you arrived at the scene?"

"When I entered the apartment, a man darted past me. I'm assuming he's the one who did this,"

"Can you describe him?"

"All I can describe him as is a blur."

She went on to ask me more questions, and I was now in the waiting room, watching the clock. I've been here for hours, and I still haven't received any news. I swear I was about to fall asleep in this chair, I even had my eyes closed. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and opened my eyes to see a tall, handsome doctor in front of me.

"Sorry to wake you. I understand you're here for the Quin Twins?"

"Uh yeah, any news on either of them?"

"Good news, or bad news first?" Oh god, there's bad news?

"Bad." I figured if the good news was really good, the bad news won't seem as bad.

"We had to give our patient Tegan, anesthesia to put her under, in order to calm her down when she woke up in hysterics a little while ago. With that been done, we can't know how serious her injuries are. Although we can tell there is some type of damage to her throat, we won't know for sure if there are any serious injuries. You see, there are some prominent signs that lead to strangulation, and knowing that, Tegan has up to 36 hours after the strangulation attempt, to develop edema of the surpraglottic and oropharyngeal soft tissue, leading to airway obstruction."

I have no idea what that meant. I'm so confused.

"so…will she be okay?"

"Like I said, we won't know for sure, but I'm positive she will be. Her heart did stop pumping for a short amount of time, after all." Why does he have to point that out? I'm trying to forget the image of her body being jolted up, from the paddles.

"And the good news?" I really need this good news

"Good news is Sara's fine, save for a little wheezing, uneasiness, and a sprained ankle. She's actually awake and ready for visitors. Do you want to see her?"

"Of course," I'm actually really nervous that she won't want to see me.

The doctor didn't come in with me; he said something about having to go see some other patient, which I didn't mind. I don't want him to see Sara yelling at me, if she does.

I slipped through the door, hesitantly. Sara was fiddling with her hands, specifically the one that had the clamp around her finger. It's tracking her pulse. She looked up at me, and half smiled. She looked awfully pale, with a hue of green to her.

"Hey Sar,"

She furrowed her eyebrows, and gave me the puppy dog face. _Puppy dog face, bad._ She makes that face when she cries. She held her face in her hands and I heard her muffled whimpers.

"Oh Sara," I oozed, pulling up a chair and scooting it right next to her bed. I gently pulled her hands away from her face.

"Everything will be fine,"

"How do you know that? Did they say anything to you? They're not telling me anything! Something about 'I should rest, I don't have the mental stability to absorb any information yet' I mean, who do they think they are? She's my fucking sister! I have the fucking right to know if she's going to be okay!"

One of the machines, that once had a steady rhythm, sped up. _Heart monitor_

I took her hand and gently rubbed it, hoping it would soothe her. She was starting to wheeze

"C'mon Sara, deep, slow breaths, we don't want the nurse to come, right? Here's your puffer,"

She nodded her head, and sucked from her tube. The heart monitor went back to the steady rhythm

"What did they say to you?"

"That they don't know for sure, until she wakes up."

"She's still not up? That isn't normal is it? Is she even alive at all? Don't fucking lie to me Emy I need to know everything that happened. I saw her on the floor, and for all I knew she was dead." Heart monitor sped up again

"I think the doctors were right, you clearly don't have the stability to hear any information."

She was back to crying, and she looked at me with anger laced in her eyes

"IS SHE ALIVE!? THAT'S ALL I FUCKING WANT TO KNOW!" A bunch of other monitors went off, and a nurse walked in

"Woah, woah. What's going on?" She asked, frantically looking over the machines

Sara ignored her question

"What's wrong with my sister? When can I see her?"

The nurse looked nervous. _You have a horrible poker face._

"The doctors are looking at her right now. I'll ask to see when you can, alright?"

Sara nodded, and the nurse left.

"So she's alive?"

I nodded

"What happened to her? What did Johnny do?"

"Who's Johnny? Is he the one who did all of this?"

"Answer my question," Sassy.

"He strangled her." She wheezed again, and reached for her inhaler and once again sucked from the tube.

"Do you know why?" I asked her

"I don't. I remember Tegan telling me something about him loving her and when she rejected him he lashed out on her, and wouldn't take no for an answer. It wasn't anything serious….at the time."

"Did you tell the police yet?"

"No! Nobody's been saying anything to me! They're afraid to talk to me."

I huffed. I'm really overwhelmed. I can't imagine how Sara must feel.

"Were you the one to find us?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I was at your apartment. Waiting for you to come home so I could apologize,"

"Tell me everything that happened please, from the beginning."

"Like I said, I was in your apartment. I got there around 8, and stayed there and was waiting for you to come home. I didn't want to leave, or else I knew I wouldn't have the courage to talk to you another day. I was sitting on your couch reading, when I heard some screams and thumps. At first I didn't think anything of it, but when I heard your voice yelling, I knew something was wrong. I heard everything that you yelled, which indicated that you needed help. I called 9 11 and ran over the apartment. That man ran passed me and I found Tegan. Then you,"

"Was Tegan alive? Breathing?"

"She was when I checked her pulse. But when the paramedics came, they had to use the shock paddles to revive her."

"This- this is all too much. I can't deal with this" Her face was back in her hands and she was weeping again

When we heard the door open, our heads shot in that direction. It was that same tall doctor. Super tall.

"How are you feeling, Ms. Quin?"

"I'm fine. How's Tegan?"

"Well, right now she's still under. We actually used that to our advantage and used one of our special camera's to take a look at her vocal chords and overall throat area."

"And?"

"Well, it's nothing too serious, or permanent. There isn't any damage to the point of airway obstruction, everything just seems to be a bit…un ordinary, compared to how things should be. But I can assure you she'll be alright. She just needs time to wake up, and rest."

"Can I see her?"

"Visiting hours don't start until 1 pm,"

I looked over at Sara, who was giving the doctor a death glare.

"…I guess I can make an exception. But I'm sure she won't be awake for a few hours…"

"That's fine. Just take me to her."

"Alright, wheel chair, or crutches?"

"Uhh….wheel chair."


	21. Chapter 21

TEGAN POV

Light! I can see light! I opened my eyes, instantly feeling as if a cement truck was sitting on my chest, and neck. Oh God, where am I? Am I dead? If this is what death feels like I want to go back to earth. I was now aware of my body, and I have an idea as to where I am. My throat….it hurts to breathe, Breathe out of your nose! I can't move my head. What's around my neck? A cast? My arms are stinging. A bunch of doctors were crowding around me. I felt a pinching sensation on my arm, and lifted my arms up to see a number of needles in my arms. Oh god, needles. I can't do this. I can't breathe! Beeping, what's that annoying beeping sound? It's too fast. I have to get these needles out of me….What? What is she putting on my face? Another mask. Breathe through your nose Tegan, breathe….through….your **

SARA POV

My heart was leaping with anticipation to see Tegan. Emy wheeled me to Tegan's room. I gasped when we entered the room. If I wasn't already sitting down, I'd collapse. Tegan was in a neck brace, along with a jungle of cords on her chest, connecting to monitors. Most of those cords were all connected to her, like an IV. If Tegan woke up right now, to see all these needles sticking in her skin, she'd have a fit. Absolute fit.

I wheeled myself over to the side of her bed, and traced all the IV chords to their monitors. I grabbed her hand, carefully. I sighed, and rested my head on the edge of the bed. Emy just sat in the chairs at the end of the room. We sat there in peace for a while, listening to the faint beeps of the monitors. I felt Tegan's hand twitch. I shot my head up but Tegan just sat still.

"What?" Emy asked

"Her hand…it twitched."

"Did it?"

"I think, I mean…did she?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"Tegan?" I gently rubbed her hand, in hopes that she would wake up. She didn't.

I leaned back in my chair with a sigh, still managing to hold her hand. Woah, okay. This time, I know she twitched. I looked up at her face, and saw her furrowing her eyebrows. I could tell she was trying to move her head, but she couldn't.

"Tegan! Tegan, can you hear me?" She opened her eyes with the sound of my voice. She looked over at me and tried to smile, but I guess she couldn't for some reason.

"How do you feel honey?" I asked her. She furrowed her eyebrows again, opened her mouth to talk. A whimper escaped and she huffed out of her nose. She then interlocked her fingers with mine and looked at me pleadingly. Can she not talk?

I was about to ask her, when she pried her hand away from mine, and lifted her arms up so she could see them. Her eyes hurriedly shot from each arm, turning them over, looking at the needles. Her cuts were completely exposed as well. Her chest frantically rose up and down with horrified expression on her face. Emy rushed over to her other side. Her heart monitor sped up, and she tried looking over at me. She doesn't know Emy was the one to save us, she's probably so confused.

"Tee, it's okay, you're okay."

"Wh-why?" She finally spoke. Her voice was barely there, I felt my waterline sting, thinking how awful it must feel to speak

I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks, oh how I hate that puppy dog face. She looks so vulnerable. I pressed the call button for a nurse to come. She poked her head in the door and asked if everything was okay.

"Can you get the doctor please?"

She left for a second to notify the doctor, and came back in to regulate Tegan's monitors and heart rate somehow. The doctor walked in, not long after

"How's everybody doing-oh! You're awake!" He said, completely oblivious to the mental state Tegan's in.

"Can you take off this awful neckbrace? And are all these IV's necessary?" I asked him, I know Tegan can't stand it.

"Well, I guess we could. She needs to move her head around. It's not good to leave it locked for so long. I was planning on making her wear it longer," He informed us, as he and the nurse gently took it off.

Tegans hands went straight to her throat, and gently rubbed.

"As for the IV's, I think these two can come out, now that's she's awake,"

I held on to Tegan's hand as the nurse pulled two of the IV's out, now she only has one.

"I know it has to be extremely sore, so I advise you to be careful when you move your head and to speak as little as possible. We also need food in your system in order to give you medication for the pain, but the only thing you can swallow is soft food or liquid such as applesauce and protein milk, you know stuff like that. I'll send another nurse in to give you that."

I was about to speak but the doctor cut me off

"We'll also need to question you about what happened last night, as well, so we can catch the guy that did this to you,"

"But can we do that later? This is all so overwhelming, even for me. Give her time to rest." I told him,

"Of course, I'll come back in a few hours."

The nurse and doctor both left, and it was now just the three of us.

Emy pulled up a chair next to Tegan, who seemed visibly upset by this.

TEGAN POV

I'm too tired to speak, too tired to do anything. I'm not even going to question why Emy's here or what the fuck happened until I know I can handle it. There's just too many questions I'm dying to ask. This is by far the worst feeling I've ever experienced; I feel like i'm drugged up. Why is Sara in a wheelchair?

"What's happened to you?" I screeched out. My voice is a ghost, barely noticeable. It feels like sandpaper

"It's just a sprained ankle, I'm fine." She told me, rubbing my arm gently. Oh God, Johnny got to her too? How did he? Wasn't she at the convention? This is too much, I can't handle this. I brought my hands to my face and shielded my eyes. I hate crying in front of people, but I really can't handle this, I'm going to pass out. It hurts to breathe, I want to cry, but it's tearing my throat up. With each whimper I hold in, it feels like knives are slashing inside.

My eyes are darting around the room, I feel light headed, and I can't hear. It's hard to breathe. I'm trying to suck in air, but I can't seem to take in the oxygen. I feel pressure on my face, like I'm in deep, deep water. Emy's standing next to me, frantically speaking, but I can't hear her, she's not looking at me anymore, she talking to someone else. A woman runs over to me and places a mask on my face, and somehow I can breathe again.

I can move my neck easily, it's just sore. I turn to Sara for comfort, and she gives it to me by scooting closer and placing kisses on my hand. I can hear again

"I love you Tee, you're going to be okay, alright?"

I nod, and somehow instantly just fall asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

The next time I open my eyes, the room is completely dark save for a faint light behind me and the lights from the monitors. My eyes scan the room in hopes of an explanation, where'd Emy go? I felt something on my side, and looked down and saw Sara, curled up on my side how is that possible? I looked down at her feet, and saw one with a brace shielding it. I placed my hand on her head, and played with her hair. She stirred.

"What happened Sara?" I asked her as soon as her eyes opened. My voice is back? What?

I opened my eyes again, but this time, I knew it wasn't a dream. The lights were on in my room, and there was people walking past my door in long white coats and scrubs. Why is there mask on my face? It's oxygen, isn't it? I feel extremely weak. Why didn't that nurse ever bring me some milk? I really wish Sara were here, I don't know where she went. I heard a faint knock on my door, and then I saw my tiny mum slip through.

"Oh my poor baby!" She squealed, running up to me and placing a kiss on my forehead.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, cupping her hand on my cheek

"I'm fine," I removed the mask, and placed it to the side to speak. My voice sounded a little better, and it didn't hurt as much when I spoke.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? You sound like you need something to drink, and you look like you need something to eat. I'll go ask one of the doctors for something"

When she came back five minutes later, she had some juice and a tray of hospital food. Yuck.

We sat in silence, while I sipped some of my apple juice.

"They have the guy that did this to you and Sara in custody. He turned himself in,"

I stopped sipping from my juice when I heard her say that. I don't want to talk about him, or why I'm here.

"Where's Sara?" I asked, changing the subject.

"She's down in the cafeteria, she said she'd be up here after she was finished eating"

"Wait, they allowed her to go off on her own?"

"Mhm, they checked her out this morning." This morning? What time is it?

"So Sara can leave? Why can't I?"

"Well, you're here in a different circumstance than Sara."

"Not really,"

"Did they even tell you anything about your condition? Or what had happened?"

I shook my head

"Tegan, your heart stopped beating for a short period of time. You had to be revived," What. The. Fuck.

"…Wh-What? Why didn't anyone tell me I don't understand I-" I trailed off, to stunned to finish

"What matters now is that you're alive, and well."

"Is that what the doctor said?"

"I talked to him. He said there isn't a significant amount of damage, and that everything will be back to normal."

"So does that mean I can go home anytime soon? As in today?"

"They still want to keep you here, they said something about high blood pressure and how your heart rate keeps going on the fritz."

I sighed. It really has been going 'on the fritz' since I've gotten here. I can't help it, though.

Sara walked in the room, and I tried to keep my heart rate normal. I can't have it go up in front of mum, but it's so hard. I mean, Sara is just so beautiful.

"Hey Tee, mum. How're you feeling?" She limped over; she had a brace on, just like in my dream.

"I'm okay. How're you?" She pulled up a chair and sat down next to me, on the other side of where mum was sitting and then handed me a bowl.

"I'm good, and I got you some frozen yogurt. It's vanilla, with coconut shreds,"

"thanks Sara, I love frozen yogurt,"

"I know you do," She smiled. I smiled back, I went to brush the hair away from her eyes but I remembered mum was in the room, so I resisted the urge.

There was a knock at the door.

"Sorry to bother you ladies, but I have a delivery for you!" She chimed, holding two bouquets of flowers in pretty vases. Each bouquet was a different kind of flower. It's obvious that they're from two different people. But who?

"I'll set them down over here on the table," then she left

"Look Tee, you're so popular," Sara oozed

"Who are they from?"

Sara grabbed the cards that were placed each of the flowers. She handed them to me.

_I can't believe Johnny would do something like this. That little fucker. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you feel better, I really, really do. _

_Get well soon, _

_-Shaun_

_P.S When you get well enough, you should really consider going on a vacation, like I told you. You deserve it. _

I smiled. He's so sweet. But how did he know it was Johnny? How did he even know this happened?

"This one was from Shaun,"

I picked up the second one, and immediately looked who it was from. Rouge. Ugh.

_I saw what happened on the news, I couldn't believe it. Who knew something like this would happen to such a badass like you? I miss you so, so much. Call me._

_With love, _

_Rouge._

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. It was sweet, I guess, but I don't know how to tell her i'm not interested anymore. And woah, this was on the news!? Oh god…

My mum took it out of my hands and read it and squealed.

"Who's this Rouge? Is she your girlfriend or something?"

"No, she's just a friend. I'm not interested in her."

"Why not? She sounds sweet, and you need to settle down already."

"Ugh mum, can we not talk about this right now? I'm not in the mood."

"You're right. I should get going anyways. I need to let you rest. You're staying the night with her, right Sara?"

"Mhm,"

She gave us hugs and kisses and left.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello fellow readers! Honestly, I wasn't planning on ever updating this story again, but since its gotten so many reviews, I finally took the time to finish it. There's only about one or two (possibly three,) chapters left. I've just been so busy with finishing up writing other stories, like The Adjustment. Don't worry, theres plenty other chapters to come with that story. How I like to go about with my writing is that I like to finish almost all of a story before I publish it so I wouldn't do what I did with this one; leave you hanging and just abruptly stop updating. My deepest apologies, and make sure you go check out my other story! **

I finally put my head back and sighed, then rolled my head in Sara's direction.

"So how do you really feel?"

"Like complete and utter shit. This is awful,"

She kissed me quickly, then slumped back in her chair.

"I'm so sorry baby,"

"I just miss my Ikea bedroom," I whined. Sara laughed, knowing it really was an Ikea bedroom. I created it into the exact replica of the display one at the actual Ikea store. Bartending was a great job to get into.

"So…When do you plan on telling me why Emy was here?"

"She's the one who found us, and called 911,"

"Wait-how did she 'find us'? It was 3 in the morning"

"She was at my apartment, waiting for me to come home and apologize."

"Where is she now?"

"Home,"

"Lucky." I was jealous. I'm very homesick, even though I'm honestly scared to go home.

"I know you're homesick, and we'll get you out as soon as we can." She knows me so well.

"To be quite honest, I'm kind of scared to go home. I don't want to go back to the place where everything went down,"

"We could stay at my place, if that helps."

"I guess it could."

"Okay!" She smiled; I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, and leaned in for a kiss. As soon as we pulled away, the doctor walked in as if on cue. My paranoia was telling me that he saw the kiss and waited for it to be over to walk in. nonono, that couldn't have happened.

"How's everybody doing?" He chirped, while striding across the room to us. Okay, maybe he didn't see it.

"Good,"

"Fine," I told him. "So when can I get outta here?"

"Well, you're voice sounds a tiny bit better; your vitals look good; except for your erratic heart beating at times. And your blood pressure is a bit higher than what I'm comfortable leaving you with. You're also lacking nutrients, and the nurses tell me that you're refusing to eat the food that gets sent in, why is that?"

"First of all, I'm not _refusing_ to eat. I just can't hold down any food. I'll most likely throw it up after words."

"How long has this been going on? Do you know a specific reason as to why your body doesn't accept food?" Ugh just leave me alone already. I could tell that Sara could sense my uneasiness, but there wasn't anything that she could do.

"Well…a few years ago, I cut down on eating, and just stopped completely, and now whenever I try to eat, my body rejects it. I guess it got used to me not eating."

"Well then how do you receive the nutrients needed to survive?"

"I take vitamins, and I substitute foods for drinks. Like milk, or protein shakes. Stuff like that,"

"Those things aren't helping a whole lot you know, you're BMI is at an extremely low rating." I felt my heart race, and cautiously looked over at my heart rate monitor and watching as the number increased. I tried to calm myself down, if that number goes up just a few more numbers, the machine will alarm, alerting an erratic heartbeat.

"We need to do something about this, Ms. Quin," *Beep beep beep beep* There it goes! Damn him, I was so close! Asshole.

I gave Sara an annoyed look when he went over to the monitor, for whatever reason. She gave my hand a quick squeeze.

"Am I the one that's making you uncomfortable?"

"Hospitals in general make me uncomfortable,"

"That may be one of the reasons why your blood pressure is high and your frantic heartbeats, correct?"

"Mhm,"

"Well in that case, I guess we could release you tomorrow. But I'd have to have you come in for a checkup to see if everything went back to normal, alright?"

"Sounds great!"

"Okay then. I'll see you guys later,"

As soon as he left I turned to Sara,

"Finally!" I squealed. Ow, that hurt. I could really use some more frozen yogurt.

"It's about time," Sara added

"Would you mind going down to the cafeteria to get me some more frozen yogurt? My throat is starting to bug me again,"

"Of course, I'll be right back,"

I got up out of the bed, I needed to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth again, even though last time I did I felt weird, not being able to use my own toothbrush. The hospital toothbrush makes me uncomfortable, even though it was brand new.

I got back into the bed and was adjusting the IV pole that had a bag of fluids flowing into me, and scooted it closer to me. I heard the door open behind me, but was too busy fidgeting with the pole to turn around. I knew it was Sara.

"That was quick, I thought for sure you'd be gone a lot longer, I-" I stopped when I turned around, it wasn't Sara, it was Rouge. Shit.

"Hey, Tegan. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, what are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. You sound like your throat was damaged, is that permanent?"

"No, it's just sore." I watched her as she sat in the chair; the one Sara was in just a few minutes ago. Sara needs to come back soon.

"Why have you been ignoring me? Are you still mad about our fight…?"

"No," I sighed

"Then what is it? Am I not good enough for you?" Anndddd my heart rate is going up

"No! no it's not that. You're more than good enough. It's just-You want a relationship, and I'm not a relationship person." _Sara is the only exception,_

"Oh, so you were just using me for sex!?"

I took a long, deep breath before replying

"No, Rouge, it wasn't like that, it was different."

"Different? How?"

"Do I really have to explain this to you?"

"I deserve an explanation, so yes. You do."

"At first, yes, it was for the sex. But then I started developing feelings for you. I can't develop feelings for you, because I'm in love with someone else. That's why I'm ignoring you; I have my sights set on someone else, and I can't let you get in the way, I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it! Have you ever stopped and think that I may have feelings for you? Have you ever taken my feelings into consideration? You can't charm your way into my heart and just rip it all away and ignore me!" _Be still, my heart._

"Rouge I-" I stopped. Finally, Sara walked in, holding my yogurt with a worried expression on her face. She must've heard Rouge yelling outside the door.

"Is everything alright?" She asked,

"Everything's peachy. Just peachy." Rouge fumed, strutting her way out the door. She slammed the door shut behind her.

"Fuck," I mumbled

"What happened?" She looked worried. I'm sick of everyone worrying over me.

"Oh, nothing. I'm good," I finished with a smile, and I grabbed Sara and kissed her firmly. She was surprised at this, but she soon gave into the kiss.


End file.
